Despair

#51
The argument was enough to churn her stomach. Elyna smoothed her thumbs along the underside of the table, feeling the small dips and contours in the wooden grain as it warmed beneath her touch. Her brows drew in a light frown, Malcolm had given her the opportunity to make her decision, but seemed determined that she would stay. She watched him, from around Ben’s shoulder, wondering what his thoughts were. The children were more valuable than she, nor was she a helpless and vulnerable baby.

The tension made her feel uneasy. Her stomach cramped with nerves. Some part of her had been excited to sit on such a council, to hold a voice in decisions of the kingdom. Elyna realized however, that she did not enjoy this. The struggle for power over one another left her with a nasty feeling on her tongue.

What could her grandfather possibly need the children for? Elyna looked up, she nodded once more to Malcolm and waited as the Duke of Endor made his exit. Slipping away after her father, her head was bowed in thought. It was Pavoo who curled his hand her arm, glancing over his shoulders to ensure they were alone in the corridor, he bent his head to speak with her.

‘What was it you asked of Malcolm?’ Elyna tried to interrupt only to be stunned to silence by his insistent whisper. Pavoo’s word’s horrified her, she stared at her father. Caught unawares as Malcolm pulled her around and pressed his kiss to her mouth. As she melted against the man, she missed him instantly as he made his rapid retreat. Staring after him as Jared followed his steps.

Elyna pressed her fingertips to her lips, feeling them tingle. Reluctant she looked to Pavoo. He seemed unrecognizable to her, a stranger in his thoughts and deeds.

‘We will not be joining you in Burhan,’ she confirmed, ‘I follow the wishes of the king.’ Elyna bit her bottom lip, Pavoo takenaback by Malcolm’s actions seemed to be thrown off his stride.

‘Excuse me,’ Elyna smiled to her father, resting a hand on his arm. She turned, but instead of following the King, picked up her skirts and ran up the stairs. She didn’t want any animosity with her father. Not when the world was so dangerous.

Along the corridor was a smaller living room, that had been cleared for the twins to use. A few wooden toys had been collected and she could hear the clanging of Elsie beating a saucepan with a wooden spoon as she entered the room and made her silent greeting to Kyanite.

Emily was crawling around after Luke, the baby giggling as she roared like a jacadon, fingers sticking up through her hair in an impressive crest. Her knees were covered with fluff from a woolen carpet that had been spread on the wooden floor. Most of the furniture had been removed, with the exception of a worn but comfortable sofa and a low table with rounded corners. A high bronze screen provided a guard to the well-banked fireplace.

Elyna made sure to shut the door behind her, signaling her friend to approach. Huddled with Kyan and Emily, she explained a little that had transpired with her father. She no longer trusted the man not to work towards his own ends. What she couldn’t understand was the motivation of her kin. What more could Burhan need? Was their scheming driven by anything more than ambition and greed?

Do not leave the children, she urged Kyan and Emily both in word and signal. Never alone, never with my father. Only us.[\b]

Confident that Luke and Elsie would remain safe, the woman set out again. How long had it been since the end of the meeting? She followed the path Jared and Malcolm had taken but quickly stood in a maze of unfamiliar doors. She frowned, heart still unsteady before it slowed. Elyna sighed, she had missed him.

The woman heard footsteps behind her and moved to the side of the hall to let a maid past. The girl was of a similar age, her red hair prettily dressed and curled around her head. She was carrying a large stack of blankets, seeming to struggle under the weight.

‘Allow me?’ Elyna suggested and moved to lift the top section away. The maid, peering over the top of her load accepted the help with thanks and a smile.

Elyna followed her through the warren of tunnels through the keep. Back to a store room where the freshly cleaned linens were folded and put away. She learnt the girl was called Amelia, raised in Warrick she had followed her husband, a smith to Mayce.

‘And what of you, miss?’ The girl smiled at her, showing a row of even teeth.

‘Much the same,’ Elyna admitted, ‘I’ve uh…followed my husband for his work.’ She grinned then.

‘Do you have a position at the Keep? Perhaps I can help you find one?’ Amelia handed her a pile of blankets and Elyna set to work, folding them with a neat snap before passing them back to be put away. ‘I was awfully bored before they found a place for me. I’m a seamstress by trade, but there’s little cause for fine dresses here at the moment.’

‘Or throughout the country,’ Elyna agreed, ‘I’m a skyrider,’ she added, ‘and I’ve little ones to look after…I’m busy enough but thank you for your kindness.’

Amelia smiled in reply, ‘I had best get back to the infirmary, there's always more to clean. Perhaps I will see you around the village?’

‘I look forward to it,’ Elyna nodded. Following the woman out, and back through the tunnels she took a slow breath. Disappointed not to fInd Malcolm the woman started making her way back to the main stairs and the children. It had been a strange day. By noon she had been so certain there was little hope to find in Mayce, and it had been changed with such a small gesture. She wondered if she had missed dinner, beyond the windows and arrow slits that cast thin slices of light into the corridor, she could see the orange glow of a setting sun.

Then there, ahead, stepping out from a side chamber, was a man who moved familiar grace. Elyna jogged to catch up, ‘Mal?’ She called as she made her approach. He turned, and she skid in her soft slippers in her attempt to slow down. She balanced herself with a hand on the wall, features flushed as she took a breath. Then, unwilling to hold her question the woman laid her fingers gently against his tabard, mindful of the wounds he had so recently received. Arrows that had tried to steal the life from him. Elyna peered up into his features, rising onto her toes to close the gap between them. Her kiss pressed sweetly against his mouth. There in the shadows, with dusk turning the Bloom sky gold beyond the walls of Mayce, she kissed her lover.

Despair

#52
Malcolm had been making the rounds, checking on some of the injured. A couple of the lords who were caught in the crossfire of the battle had been assigned their own rooms. He was just stepping out of one when Elyna called to him. Even after half a year apart, he knew who the voice belonged to. The knight turned and was met with a kiss that took him by surprise, but rather than pull back to ask what it had meant, he leaned in and not a moment later, Elyna found herself with her back to the wall.

Burly fingers went through her hair until they were reunited at the nape of her neck. Their surroundings melted away as he returned the impulsive kiss with something a little more heated. One of his hands went to her side to pull her closer, fingertips caught in the taut strings of the laces holding the back of her small, golden corset together. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have said those things.”

A maid excused herself as she went by them and Malcolm smiled, pressing his nose to Elyna’s temple before bestowing a light kiss there too. They had been caught being fools in the hallway. All the staff would be gossiping about it for days to come. It was almost dinner time, but Malcolm couldn’t say he was hungry, at least not for food anyway. “I want to see my son,” he said, “and then…” Malcolm paused, “I don’t want to see anyone but you until dawn.”

Despair

#53
The woman was all too susceptible to his motions. Pushed against the wall, her hands curled against the stiff leather of his tabard and pulled him close. With his silent answer she was all too eager to return ardent desire. She tried to stay mindful of his injuries, but her hands were through his hair, smoothing over his shoulders as time got away from them.

His apology whispered across her ear and she found herself smiling. The expression almost shy. How could something so simple as a kiss change so much? The woman shook her head, nose nudging against the man’s jaw. A sigh of pleasure released, tension lifting from her body as she was held close to the man.

The maid passed and she bowed her head, hiding against his shoulder. Elyna pressed her fingertips to her lips, trying not to giggle. Was it alright to giggle these days? War was so serious, were they allowed levity? She looked up at the man, about to invite him upstairs to see the children before he revealed his demands.

Nodding her agreement, she slid her hands down his arms to take his hands. She lifted each in turn and pressed a kiss to the back of his knuckles. Finally she backed away, leading him with two hands, then one as she turned to find the way back to the stairs. Eventually giving in and letting him take over the directions, as she peered down yet another unfamiliar corridor. She wasn’t sure she would ever memorize Mayce.

They found the main steps, yet Elyna was reluctant to release his hand. Her free fingers lifting her skirts so they didn’t send her tumbling back down the steps.

‘I like your plan,’ she eventually found her voice. It was strange to feel shy, and admit her desire outright, but it was important. ‘It’s perfect,’ Elyna found herself glancing sidelong at Malcolm as they approached the living room.

‘I’ve asked Kyan and Emily to watch the children,’ she lowered her voice, ‘I don’t know what I’d do if…’ she stopped talking. ‘If…’ Elyna shook herself. ‘They’re safe with Emily and Kyanite,’ she looked up at the man beside her, squeezing his fingers once more. ‘He’s like a brother to me, as Emily is a sister.’

The woman gave Malcolm a moment to breathe before pushing the door open. She peered around the frame before moving into the room. The babies were both laid out asleep on furs, dreaming happily.

Kyan and Emily had been perched at a window cill, sharing card games. Emily sprung to her feet, bowing to Malcolm before she signed the word King to Kyanite.

‘We weren’t sure when you’d be back,’ the woman spoke in a low voice, gaze drifting to the twins. There’s enough food here for dinner?’ She gestured to a table that had been laid with good, but simple food to keep the guards going.

Emily looked between the pair of them, ‘could Ben join us?’ She suggested, ‘then the three of us should be able to settle the little monsters overnight? I know you would rather take them to your room, Ely…but if you wake them now, they’ll be a nightmare to settle.’

Despair

#54
Emily was growing on him, Kyanite thought. It had taken him a long time to warm to the woman that had come to Emanys like a thief in the night, taking from him what he held most dear. She showed him how to play a few games but there was one in particular he enjoyed, a simple game of snap where cards need only match, instead of trying to work out what their numbers and symbols meant.

Elyna entered the room and Kyanite smiled at her, only to get to his feet as a man came in behind her. Kyanite tried to work out if he had seen the man in passing and when he was told in silence, this was the king, Kyanite’s features settled on a stern look. He was tall, too tall to be a good warrior, Kyanite imagined. He studied the man from a distance, hands balled into fists. This was the man who would kill his wife for treason?

The king said something, and Kyanite could only be sure it was not one of their greetings, at least not one he had ever heard before. He knew their words for gratitude but this went further than that.

As the dark haired knight moved to inspect the twins, Kyanite stepped in front of him. The tension in the room was instant, he could sense it in both women and the man before him. The king raised his hand, perhaps in a peaceful gesture to see the warrior step aside, but Kyanite thought otherwise. The impact of his balled fist against the king’s face was met with an audible crack that sent the unassuming giant to the floor.

Despair

#55
Malcolm looked up at the golden maned horse lord, confused by the punch, which seemed to come out of nowhere. He scrambled to his feet, only to realise his limbs were not coordinated in their efforts to match his thought process. The strong punch had literally knocked the sense out of him, and he fell forward on his hands and knees. There was blood on the ground in front of him and it took the knight a moment to realise it was his own, falling away in fast droplets that stained his hands and sleeves.

The pain in his cheek went through the nerves in his ear and gums, intensified by his racing heart. Malcolm felt Elyna at his side and stumbled as she tried to help him to his feet. Pride got the better of him and he lunged at the warrior, taking him by the scruff of his soft leather vest. There was a rip and a snap as the seam over the horse lord's shoulder came undone, sending them both off balance.

Malcolm landed with a thud on top of the man, a heavy fist sent against Kyanite’s ribs took the air from him, before another punch landed against his jaw. The warrior reached out, wrestling Malcolm onto his side where he caught himself on his elbow. Kyanite’s legs went around him with the strength of a snake and Malcolm closed his fingers around a fistful of hair before throwing another punch.

“Ben!” Emily went to the door and shouted, unsure what else she could do without getting caught in the crossfire. “Jared!” She called out then as she saw the baron at the edge of the hall, headed for the dining room. “Hurry!”

Benjamin followed the baron from where he had been seated at the table, ready to eat. They raced up the stairs and moved into the room, taken aback by the sight of the two men on the floor, too entangled in their struggle to pull apart without risking a serious blow. Benjamin steadied Elyna and stepped around her to grab Malcolm’s left arm while Jared went right. His boot found the throat of the tribesman, and he pressed down as they lifted Malcolm away.

“What the hell’s going on here?” Ben barked.

Both men looked a right mess, but the blood trickling from Malcolm’s nose was cause for concern. It ran down his throat and dropped all over his tabard. “Sit,” Jared encouraged, leading him back to a chair.

Benjamin stood between the two parties, sure it was not the end of it, judging by the look in each man’s eyes. “I think you should take him outside, Emily,” Benjamin encouraged. “It seems the wildling needs some fresh air.”

Despair

#56
Elyna returned Kyanite’s smile with her own. Her fingers threaded through Mal’s she looked to her husband for approval. Some sign that he recognised the greatness in a man who had grown so important to her. Looking back to Kyan, for the same the woman was confused by the expression on his features. They were drawn with tension. Malcolm said something which sounded far away, or as though he spoke underwater. She tried to hold onto his hand, something was wrong in the room, but he managed to slip free in his eagerness to see the twins.

Kyan moved faster than she could, to bar Malcolm’s access to the babies Elyna moved after her king, dreading what might happen next. Yet unable to predict it, Kyan dealt swiftly with his enemies, that was no surprise. But it had never occurred to Elyna that he might consider Malcolm as such.

Before she could intervene, Malcolm was on the floor.

‘Kyan!’ Horrified the woman knelt to her husband’s aid. Shifting to help him up. Her arm looped around his waist to steady him. She tried signaling to Kyan, speaking the Ontari for no, as rapidly and firmly as she could. There had to be a way to take control of the situation! But Malcolm found his feet and she felt him launch at Kyan in turn.

Elyna shrieked, for the first time in her life. The men tumbled right and she dived left. She scooped up the children, laid out on their pile of furs. They startled, wailing as she tried moving across the room, away from the combatants.

Had she ever been so glad to see Jared? Knees weak she was grateful as Ben steadied her, then dropped onto the sofa.

With the men separated, Elyna passed Luke into her right arm, clutching the babes in a way that freed her hands. Emily extended a hand to Kyan, indicating that he should look to Elyna.

Cannot attack Onkarl, King, she signed furiously, go with Emily. Family, tears started down her cheeks, King and Kyan. Mine, she touched her forehead. Indicating where their heads had met when he had expressed such devotion.

‘Mal?’ Elyna realized that she was shaking. ‘Mal, are you alright?’ She struggled with both babies, trying to settle them in her arms as they cried. Two seasons had been enough to see them grow heavy, too heavy for her to carry alone when they were both squalling with fury, small arms flailing as they arched. She dared not stand and cross to the man in case one of the children managed to escape her hold.

Despair

#57
“Let me,” Benjamin said. He took the children from Elyna and carried them out of the room, humming a gentle tune to the twins in an attempt to calm them. He remembered what it had been like with young Noah during any times of stress. A crying child only added to things.

Jared had given Malcolm something to catch the blood, the fabric soon soaked. “Don’t lean back,” he coached, “just sit still and try to relax—that will help.”

Malcolm took hold of Elyna’s hand, he could see she was shaking, but really, he knew it would help him to have her near. “I guess I said something he took exception to?” The knight said.

“He’s been perfectly amicable the whole time he’s been here,” Jared said, as if to speak in the tribesman’s defence. “I’ll go and fetch some water and something to help clean up.” The baron took his leave of them then, sure they could use a moment alone.

Malcolm pulled Elyna against him so that she was forced to sit on his knee. “Does it look broken?” Malcolm asked, tipping his head back slightly. The problem was he had broken his nose a couple of times in the past. Any further damage just seemed to blend in.

He rubbed his jaw, but it was his left cheekbone that was killing him. The skin around his eye had already started to darken. Tomorrow, no doubt, he would be sporting a nasty bruise. The corner of his left eye was bloodshot and his upper lip had a small split in it, which wasn’t visible until he wiped away some of the blood.

Despair

#58
Elyna was reluctant to part with her children, but the sound of their cries was making it harder to find any sense of calm for herself. ‘Ben,’ Elyna pulled on his sleeve as he settled first one baby then another in his arm ‘don’t let my father take them,’ she urged the man quietly. She met his gaze with her own, ‘please…please don’t go far.’ Was it wrong that she felt so paranoid? The thought of her twins out of sight, without Kyan and Emily made her feel sick.

She moved closer to Mal then, crouching beside his chair. Her fingers curled in his and she squeezed gently. Her gaze roved over his features, drawn with worry as she took catalog of his injuries.

‘I don’t understand,’ she admitted, looking between him and Jared, as she searched for an explanation of Kyan’s behavior. She offered the baron a brief smile as he made his departure. She sank against Malcolm, all too eager to take comfort in his embrace. She could still hear Ben in the corridor, even if the children were still snuffling their displeasure, one at least seemed to have calmed down.

Elyna threaded her fingers through his hair, pushing it gently back from the crown as she studied his face. ‘It looks sore,’ she admitted. Her fingertips traced the path of his bruise and she grimaced, ‘can you heal it? Or does it need to be someone else?’ She asked softly. Elyna closed her eyes, and pressed soft kisses to the cheekbone, wishing, not for the first time, that she had such a wonderful gift as healing.

‘I’ll ask Kyanite why,’ the woman shook her head, and pressed her own face against his neck, inhaling the scent of him, mixed with blood as it was, ‘but I’m sorry…I’m sorry this happened.’ She was responsible for the tribesman and his actions, ‘this afternoon, I told him that I don’t want the twins left with my father. Maybe I got it wrong?’ She wondered, ‘I've learnt their language well enough…but…’ she sighed. At least it was a reasonable explanation. Elyna shook her head again, trying to push away the events of the last few minutes.

‘Can we collect the children…and go to our room?’ She asked softly, ‘I just want to be with you all.’

Despair

#59
“Perhaps he interpreted you wrong?” Malcolm agreed, trying to understand what might have caused the outburst. “Maybe he thought you meant their father?” Malcolm was still for a time, his heart already calm. “I shouldn’t have hit him, that was wrong of me,” the knight admitted. “I think his swing was so unexpected. It’s been a long time since I was caught completely off guard.”

Malcolm nodded in response to the woman's request, he would join her in their room if she so pleased. “I’ll teach you to heal,” he offered, “I’ve never really had cause to use it on myself.

He reached up then and touched his check. The magic would not do away with the bruising, but it did halt the bleeding and mend the hairline fracture in his cheekbone. The down side was that it sapped the strength from him and Malcolm knew it would leave him tired.

Benjamin hadn’t gone far and met them in the hallway as they emerged from the guest room. He handed Luke to Malcolm and the king was still as he looked down at his son's face. There was no question in his mind as to their legitimacy. Both children shared traits with the king and queen. Malcolm was quite sure they had his eyes in shape and tone, but he could see a lot of their mother in them too. Elsie especially had her mother’s chin.

The man smiled as he released his son into Elyna’s care. He went ahead of them to fetch some water and get cleaned up. “I’ll be with you soon.”

Despair

#60
Elyna could only shake her head, without talking to Kyan she couldn’t know the cause of his attack. Her smile was wry when Malcolm admitted his faults. He was right, he shouldn’t have gone to fight Kyanite in retaliation. That Malcolm had been caught off guard, was entirely her fault too. He had trusted her with his safety, and that trust seemed misplaced now.

His offer to teach healing was sweet and she eased off of his lap to allow him the ease of movement as he touched his cheek. She watched him, fascinated but aware that it was unlikely she could replicate the skill. Emily had learnt in Emanys, and it had been something Elyna had tried and failed. At least with the use of magic, she was confident that no further damage would be done to his face and any fractures would be closed. Able to breathe, the woman was happy to move beyond the room. She smiled at Ben, peering over Malcolm’s shoulder as he looked down at their son.

Elsie had cuddled against her own shoulder, a weight in her arms as Mal turned to her. He slid the babe into her free arm, but she curled her fingers around his sleeve and pulled him back. If only to place a kiss on his cheek. In truth, she was reluctant to part with him, even if it was only for a few moments. Luke stretched out in her arm, leaving her with Ben to rearrange the twins and carry them safely back down the corridor.

It was there that she encountered Emily and Kyanite. The woman pressed Elsie over to her friend so that she could communicate with the man.

Are you hurt? She asked, studying his features with concern , I will repair your vest. Emily can repair you? Elyna gestured to the marks the scuffle had left on him. Her sewing had been acceptable to the women of the tribe, hopefully he wouldn’t refuse.

‘Already done the healing,’ Emily confirmed. Having recognised enough of the communication. The blonde lay a gentle hand on Kyan’s arm, no more frightened of him that she’d been an hour ago. Although she looked confused and concerned. Her gaze moved down the corridor to linger on Ben.

‘Come on,’ She slid Luke from Elyna’s arm and winked to her friend, ‘we’ll get these two settled in their bed,’ she promised and passed Elsie into the man’s arms. Leading the way to the room Elyna had been using.

Elyna found herself staring at Kyanite, alone in the hallway trying to understand his actions, waiting for an answer as she asked the simple question . Why?

Despair

#61
Kyanite found it difficult to exist in this place. He took his duty seriously, looking after the twins had become priority number one. The inactivity of the group, however, had started to irk him. Back home in the grasslands it was rare to sit for longer than a meal or discussion between peers. In Renmere, sitting about doing nothing seemed to be the fashion. He played cards, ate their strange, sweet foods, carried the twins around until they fell asleep, and lay awake at night cold and alone.

Had he come looking for you, perhaps I could respect him—I would have killed him, Kyanite admitted, but I could have respected him.

The warrior sighed, his hands falling at his sides for a time. The way Elyna looked at him filled him with guilt and yet he would never admit to it, nor apologise. How long had they been here and only now the king had come to see his children. I can’t watch this anymore, he admitted. I am going home. Kyanite signed the last part with his right hand, as if to speak the words without feeling, detached from the emotion he felt.

His silver gaze met hers then. I ask one last time. Come with me and live free of this madness.

Despair

#62
Elyna listened and watched the truth in his actions. She reached out, resting her hand lightly on his arm, offering what comfort she could. She could see the longing in what the man expressed. He missed his home, his wife and family. She felt cruel for bringing him to Renmere. The truth was that she loved the grasslands, loved the man before her. But she knew her love of Kyanite was that of a brother.

He was captive. In a room of stone, no escape till these last days. The woman tried to explain. He could not come . She offered a small smile, I could not watch you kill Malcolm. We have not fought… she teased a little before he continued.

Her gaze dropped to the floorboards between them. It is dangerous, to leave now. Too many enemies in tall grass. The woman signed and forced herself to look up. I fear your loss. I fear that pain. I cannot return to the grasses.

Despair

#63
Kyanite shook his head. Danger had never scared him. He would always ride towards what frightened him, instead of away. Elyna was as safe as she could be here. This was the life she was accustomed to. It wasn’t the danger that frightened him, it was their complicity.

He looked down at his arm where her hand lingered. The scar would be an eternal reminder of her. Kyanite turned his hand over and took hold of hers. For a time, all he did was look down at their fingers, intertwined. He gave her hand a squeeze. It would be the last time he ever saw her, the last time he ever stood in the power of her presence. He put his arms around the woman and held her for a brief moment and then walked away without a word.

“Elyna?” Emily called from a doorway up ahead. “I think they might be hungry. Neither of them will settle.”


Kyanite made his way to the first floor and took the stairs down to the ground. He had no belongings or keepsakes to carry home, but stopped in the entryway to the armoury. He intended to fetch a poleaxe to replace the one he had discarded on the battlefield in their haste to retreat from the flames and suffocating smoke.

He stood frozen in the doorway, met with the sight of the Baron of Warrick standing over the king, who sat with his head tipped back. Jared pressed a wet cloth to the man’s cheek, babbling away the blood. The fingers of Jared’s free hand entangled in a wave of black curls. The pair straightened as they noticed Kyanite, who couldn’t help but feel as if he had just witnessed something he shouldn’t have.

Jared lifted his hand from the king’s shoulder hair, his features taking on a serious look. “What are you doing here, savage?”

Malcolm knocked the man’s thigh with the back of his hand in a quiet gesture that was intended to silence him.

Jared tipped his head and put his hands behind his back. They were both quiet then.

Kyanite went by them and took up the nearest poleaxe before taking his leave. He looked back into the large keep, the hair on his arms standing on end. What was it about this place that filled him with a sense of dread? He exited the keep then and made his way to the stables, hoping the Volareon Elyna had gifted the tribe would still recognise him.

Despair

#64
How was it possible to feel so euphoric and so devastated on the same day? Kyan had held her hand, fingers gently intertwined with his own darker digits. Her hand was no longer one she couldn’t recognise. The softness of seasons in Aramane returned to callouses that probably did not befit a queen. His arms moved around her and Elyna found herself clinging to the man, as if she could stop him from leaving. She wouldn’t beg. She closed her eyes, savoring the strength of his embrace and the surety felt in his presence.

Please, she made her silent prayers, please make it safely home. Please know that you take part of my soul with you.

He withdrew and she couldn’t look away. Too many times today, she had cried. Tears of frustration, anger, and thwarted love. The tears that stung most bitterly, were those of grief. They clung to her lashes without daring to fall.

Emily called again and Elyna summoned the strength to move. She turned and made her way back to her bedroom. ‘Em…’

The blonde looked up from where she was changing Elsie, Luke bouncing on Ben’s knee.

‘Can you make sure that he takes Ridian? That they allow it?’

Emily stilled suddenly before giving a nod. She finished tying the diaper cloth and moved for the door. Ben was already on his feet, looking between the women.

‘You might be of use,’ Emily looked him over slowly, offered a bright smile and beckoned the giant with the crock of her finger.

‘Our Emanys friend is leaving,’ Emily explained when they were underway. ‘Elyna gifted him the Volarean…I don’t mean to intervene, but I’ll see her wish honoured,’ she promised quietly as they traced Kyans’ steps to the armoury. From the shadows, Emily scowled, from the depths of the corridor she could make out the King and Baron in the space between Kyan’s arm and waist. She glanced at Ben, trying to read the man’s expression before bundling him back into the stairwell as Kyan departed.



Upstairs, Elyna collected the milk that had been given. She shimmied out of her elaborate skirts, leaving them discarded on a chair. The corset was unfastened with an impatient tug to the ribbons, that saw it fall lifeless to the floor. In a pale underdress, fastened across the bust with a single tie, the woman crawled into bed and gathered her babies. Feeding them as they lay in the bend of her knees, her back to the headboard.

Sated, the children slept till she was able to transfer them to the wicker bassinet they shared. She gathered up a dressing gown of blue silk but left it unfastened, belt hanging loose. With the children tended she stood at the window, silent, taking each breath and savoring it. Kyan was a good man, a fine warrior and leader. She had felt at home in the grasslands, at peace in his company and in the moment of his departure, it took every effort of will not to grab the twins and fly after him.

Despair

#65
“Did you see that?” Emily whispered. She shadowed Ben as they moved out onto the grounds.

“See what?” He asked.

“The baron… his fingers.”

“Spit it out,” Ben said, curious now.

“He had his fingers in Malcolm’s hair.”

“I saw a cloth in his hand,” Ben said.

“No, his other hand!” Emily insisted.

“Where were Malcolm’s hands?” Ben asked.

“I don’t know, in his lap?”

“Jared’s lap?”

“No! His own lap,” Emily scoffed. She whacked Benjamin’s behind, as if to scold him for failing to listen and comprehend her words. Really, a small part of her had wanted to do that all day.

The giant laughed. “So? Jared’s always been overly attached.”

“To Malcolm?” Emily asked, “or everyone he’s friends with?”

“Malcolm,” Ben admitted, “why do you think we tease him so much?”

“Do you? Does he take it well?”

“Not one bit,” Ben said.

“So you think there is something going on?”

“Not this again!” Ben sighed.

“Just… answer honestly?” Emily insisted.

Ben took a right turn at the bottom of the path to go up to the stables. “I think they lean on one another, always have, always will probably.”

“That sounds cryptic,” Emily accused.

“No one’s ever caught them in any kind of incriminating act if that’s what you’re asking,” Ben said.

“But what does your gut tell you?” Emily asked.

“That my brother loves his wife and sometimes I wonder if Jared is standing in the way of that love.”

Emily didn’t have any more questions. She saw Kyanite leading a familiar volareon from the stables unchallenged. The skyrider approached the man and signed, thank you for everything.

Kyanite nodded, climbed onto his mount and headed north over the mountains and trees towards Gwayne.

“Not a very continental fellow, is he?” Ben said, as Emily moved to stand beside him once more.

“That he is not,” she agreed.

“Hey. Want to roll around in the hay?”

Emily whacked the man again and this time, she meant it. “Stop it, would you!”

Ben laughed. “Can’t blame a man for wanting to have a bit of fun.”

“Is that all I am?”

Ben took a step closer to Emily and put an arm around her. “Is that all you want to be?”

“Get off me you big bear!” She said, and pushed him aside.

Ben slipped on the icy path and grinned as Emily reached out to help him regain his balance. “You do care,” he teased.

“Oh bother!” She grunted, and pushed him on his backside before falling on top of him with a yelp.



Malcolm came up to the room half an hour after the children had fallen asleep. He carried a small plate with him the cook had put in his hand, but he didn’t feel hungry. Once inside the room, he put the plate down on the bedside table beside Elyna and sat on the edge of the bed. He shuffled out of his boots and pulled his leather tabard free of his shoulders before letting it fall to the floor. His black tunic and undershirt garments soon followed, leaving him in a pair of dark woollen trousers and a belt that even on its tightest setting, looked loose on him.

The skin between his ribs looked sunken, leaving them exposed, his belly sucked in and stripped of its lean muscle. Even his arms were slimmer than they had once been. He looked himself when dressed, if not a little narrow in the cheeks, but uncovered, he appeared half the man he was when Elyna had chosen to marry him. Two seasons imprisoned had not agreed with him and with the war and all the stress that came with it, Malcolm had found it difficult to summon any form of appetite.

The knight had washed his hands but there were still small traces of blood trapped in the fine details of his rings. He removed them from his fingers and set them down beside the plate. He wanted to ask Elyna if her friend was leaving, but the determination and anger in the warrior’s eyes had already provided him with the answers he sought.

The silence was both friend and foe, if she said nothing, there was no need to hide his current reality. But what if, he wondered, what if she couldn’t bear the sight of him, not only because of the way he looked, but the things he had said. His left side still boasted the bite of Owen’s arrow tip, where it had sliced a two inch line across his lower rib. His armour and Emily had saved him on the day.

Malcolm stood up and went to the bassinet to look at the twins while they slept. He felt a mixture of overwhelming love and guilt in that instant. He was one of the lucky ones who had been able to go home to his family, unlike the hundreds that lay in shallow graves on the plains of Warrick. He knew he had been a fool then, to waste even a second consumed by fear and resentment.

Having then returned to the bed, he climbed across the furs to lay on his side with his arms around Elyna. He kissed the back of her head and stroked her hair back from her face before running his hand down the length of her arm to close his fingers between hers and tuck their joined arms against her. His heart was racing, pumping away in his ears, leaving him certain she could hear or feel it.

“When this is all over,” he said, voice low and gruff, “let’s go away, just the four of us.”

Despair

#66
Elyna had left her robe hanging over the chair with her skirts. In the pale blue under-dress she curled up beneath the cover, heart and limbs heavy with grief. It hurt to think she would never see Kyan again. That he and Malcolm would never know the best of each other, instead of the worst. She dozed, exhausted by the events of the day. As though she’d be wrestling with a Jacadon in the skies, one determined to pitch her off.

Malcolm’s entry caused her to stir, she shifted on her side. It was hard not to watch him and mark all the changes in his body. Her heart ached for the seasons that he had clearly survived, where she had been thriving. Elyna felt more herself than she had in years. Even unsettled by the war, her time in Emanys had helped her find peace. One that had not yet been eroded by the expectations of the nobility. She would not stare though, watching as his clothes were discarded with haste. As though he didn’t want to spend the time tidying them, exposing himself to view any longer than necessary. Her gaze lingered instead on the floorboards, on his feet as he stood over the children.

She closed her eyes and he was behind her. Had she dozed again? Her heart gave a sudden thump of anticipation as his arms closed around her. Elyna wriggled back against his frame, happiest in his embrace. She closed her eyes, savoring the moment that in the morning had seemed so impossible to achieve.

His words, so unexpected, so welcome and yet so unlikely to happen, caused the woman to giggle. She couldn’t help but smile, lifting her fingers to her lips. ‘Five,’ she murmured, ‘Vaughn too…if he would like to? If you would like it?’ she turned in his arms. Elyna smoothed her hands through his hair, careful of his bruises as she pushed it back from the crown.

The woman edged forward and pressed a kiss to the newest bruise on his temple. Her pulse hammered in her chest, ‘I’m sorry for all that has happened to you,’ she said. There was so much that she didn’t know and understand of the situation they were in. ‘I have so many questions,’ she admitted, ‘but I don’t want to talk tonight…’

Elyna moved to sit up, scooping her hair against her shoulder with one hand she used the other for balance, bending to press kisses to the arrow marks on his body and paying sweet devotion to his skin.

Despair

#67
There was a split second of terror that gripped the man at his wife’s words, followed by a sense of calm as Elyna mentioned Vaughn. It warmed his heart to think that she might accept him and work towards a future where they existed together as a blended family. “And Vaughn,” he agreed, with a smile.

What had he imagined when she said five? That the grassland warrior might have had her for himself, that she was expecting again? He was tempted to ask what had transpired in those seasons spent so far away from his loving embrace—but what peace would it bring him?

Elyna made her thoughts known, tonight was not one for words and the knight nodded, eyes falling closed, ready to fall asleep with her in his arms. He stirred, however, as her weight shifted on the bed and she bowed to kiss over the tender flesh of his side. His heart gave a powerful thump and it took the man a moment to realise he was holding his breath. No words, he thought to himself, yet she would not choose sleep for them either?

Her fingers grazed the dark line of hair over his belly that disappeared into his woollens. The knight became painfully aware of the woman’s ability to rouse him with her touch alone. Malcolm sat up and coaxed his lover into a kiss before dragging her leg across his lap, hooked at the fold of her knee. His hands traced the length of her upper legs to her rump, where he found her bare beneath the wispy nightgown. He met her lips with a husky sound of approval and squeezed the back of her thighs. A rough hand reached between them to anchor his trousers as he slipped his hips free to them, stiff and slick with anticipation.

The strap of her nightgown pulled across her shoulder as his lips went to her chest, a mix of kisses and bites teased across her skin. His fingers were dragged across her shoulder blade, leaving it bare as the fabric was prised away, swept down the length of her arms and left to pool about her midsection. He was just about to devour her when a knock at the door saw him cross his arms against her back to pull her near, shielding her state of undress.

“Go away!” Malcolm shouted, only to wake both twins in the process.

He bit into his lower lip to smother his contempt and closed his eyes as the twins' wails grew louder. Would they need to post a guard now when they slept to tell visitors to try again with the dawn?

Despair

#68
Elyna moved over the man in a way that was painfully familiar. She smiled at him, cheeks flushed with desire as her knees settled either side of his hips. Was it wrong to feel so happy, giddy almost with his response, when so much in the world was all wrong? No, she silenced her own thoughts. Malcolm had suffered enough, he deserved some reprieve, some moment for himself. Life could be fleeting, they should enjoy the time they stole together. Their lives provided enough hardship and separation without feeling bad for the moments they managed to claim.

Her legs trembled at the guidance of his rough hand. Skin horripulating at his touch, as her breath came in a soft gasp. Elyna knew herself to be exhausted and overwhelmed, to be left breathless so easily. It had been so long since she had experienced his touch, or any. Her heart thumped with unspent passion and nervousness. Would it all be very different after the birth of the twins? She tried to swallow her anxiety as his trousers were pushed away. Would it hurt?

There was little time to worry as he set about distracting her. Her nightgown pushed aside she was left watching him, skin flushed with desire and her eyes half-closed. Elyna bit back her moan as she felt the heat of him beneath her center. He didn’t move to join them, and though she was tempted, Elyna was determined to wait until she couldn’t bear it any longer. Surely increasing their anticipation would only ease their union? They had all night afterall.

Until they didn’t. She twisted in his arms, staring at the door in silent accusation. Pressed to Malcolm’s chest she closed her eyes as the babies cried. ‘We should…’ she sighed. The woman swallowed her frustration and moved, carefully she edged away from Malcolm, passing him the blankets. On unsteady legs she pulled her nightdress back into place, pulling the satin robe over the top and moved to the door. She opened it just enough to peer around the divide, peeking into the darkness. Hiding all but her shoulder and face behind the door itself.

‘Hello?’

The woman on the other side of the door, hovered at a distance, a tray held between her hands. ‘Elyna?’ She frowned, confused.

‘Amelia,’ Elyna found herself flushing.

‘Are you waiting on the Queen? I thought you said you weren’t employed here?’

‘We’re old friends,’ Elyna replied quickly.

‘The cook sent me,’ Amelia explained with a wary glance at the door ‘he said that the Lady hadn’t eaten this evening?’ The red-heads voice trailed off. She looked pale beneath her freckles. Unsettled to have been sent up to the nobility. Even unhappier to suspect the King had shouted at her to leave.

Elyna bit back her smile, ‘just a moment,’ she disappeared from view and fastened the robe, so that she appeared more properly dressed, then with a quick glance down the hallway she could be confident that there was no one else to see her. ‘I’ll make sure that she gets it,’ Elyna promised and shifted around the door to accept the tray.

Amelia’s brow drew into a deeper frown as she took in Elyna’s robe, ‘arn’t you afraid of her?’ Her voice dropped to a sharp whisper as she eyed the part-shut door with suspicion. The cries of the babes eased and Elyna could only assume that Mal had taken the opportunity to hush them.

‘Afraid?’ Elyna couldn’t help but be curious, and somewhat entertained by Amelia’s lack of recognition.

‘They say she flies on a dragon,’ Amelia replied, eyes wide with fear, ‘she must be huge, like Baron Warrick, or tall like the King himself,’

‘Or maybe, far more ordinary than you expect,’ Elyna smiled, her frustration easily forgotten.

‘Good luck,’ Amelia was able to summon a faint smile, turning to go though, the woman hesitated. ‘Is his Grace very annoyed?’ She mouthed.

Elyna shook her head, ‘I’m sure all is easily forgiven. Good night, Amelia.’

‘Goodnight Elyna, you’re welcome in the kitchens if you’re hungry later,’ Amelia smiled, ‘it can be hard to find dinner in the village after dark.’

‘I’ll keep it in mind,’ she waited patiently for the woman to retreat down the hall. Finally she was able to duck back inside the room. The tray was cast aside on a dresser, one where she had once placed her woollen scarf. Elyna turned back to the door, ensuring that it was secured this time. The lock clicking in the mechanism.

Luke had gone back to sleep. Elsie, was half asleep in her father’s arms. Elyna approached, stealing the baby away, she sung to the girl an Ontari song of grasses and orange sunsets. Elsie relaxed, limbs going floppy before she too was set back into her bed.

Slowly, Elyna turned back to her husband then. She caught his gaze, cheeks quick to flush with desire once more as she studied him. Fingers trailed the silken edges of her gown before landing on the knotted belt. It was unfastened easily enough. The robe left to pool around the floor. She padded barefoot back to the bed, and drew a breath that refused to fill her lungs.

‘Where were we?’ Her gaze dropped to his mouth as her hands lifted to the single tie in the center of her chest. The thin ribbon unraveled with a deft tug, the soft linen falling away. Elyna lifted one of her feet, pressing her ankle to the opposite calf as she flushed. Hair cascaded down her back, tousled by his earlier kiss and burly hands.

The second knock caused her to flinch. An anxious look at the bassinet was enough to confirm that the children were still asleep. She flew across the room, determined to stop anything that would see further hammering on the door, fastening the tie as she went. Peering around the door for a second time that night, she stared, blank at the tall man on the otherside.

‘Liam!’ She stuttered, her mind managing to catch up with her eyes.

‘Sorry,’ he whispered, ‘I hope that I didn’t wake you?’

‘No,’ Elyna shook her head, ‘I wasn’t asleep…’ she frowned, ‘are you alright?’

‘I’m looking for Emily? I thought she might be with you?’

‘No…uh…I asked her to make sure Kyan could leave in peace.’

‘He’s gone?’ Liam stared in astonishment.

Still holding the door mostly shut, Elyna felt her fingers tremble.

‘Sorry,’ Liam added quickly, ‘I know how much he meant to you.’

‘He needs to be back with his wife, his son and their newborn,’ Elyna forced a smile. The shock of Kyan’s departure wasn’t one she would easily forget. ‘I…had hoped he might travel when it was safer, but his returning home was something we had discussed.’ Elyna took a moment to consider where her friend might be, ‘perhaps she went to get some food after? Or maybe she was assigned to wall watch with the other ‘Riders tonight?’ She wrinkled her nose, ‘I haven’t been the most attentive friend in recent days.’

Liam laughed at that, ‘I’ll check the kitchen and call it a night. You’ve two young babes, m’Lady. I’m surprised you can remember your own name.’

‘Goodnight, Liam - oh!’ She called out softly as he turned to go depart.

There was only one entrance to the long corridor of bedrooms, and Elyna knew a guard was stationed beside it. ‘Liam,’ she confided, ‘I’ve just got the twins to sleep…could you ask the guard to ensure that no one disturbs us? Not unless it's deathly important?’

‘Of course,’ he bowed politely, ‘I’m sorry again. Goodnight, m’Lady.’

‘Night,’ she waved him away before letting the door fall closed under it’s own weight. She pressed her head to the frame, eyes closed as she listened to his retreating steps. The door lock clicked anew. Finally she turned to look over her shoulder and check the babies were still sleeping.

‘Dare I kiss you—“

Despair

#69
Elyna murmured a few words before the knight silenced her with an unexpected kiss he placed to the right side of her neck. His hands followed the fastens of her robe, challenged for all of a moment by the knot he undid blindly. The fabric was peeled away and cast aside as if it had offended him or burned to touch. His lips caressed the width of her shoulder as he pressed his body against her then, no longer confined to the woollen trousers he had been in earlier.

As she turned about he caught her lips with a kiss and the door was jolted as he lifted her with an ease far too familiar. The pair held their breath as the approaching footfalls of a guard moved to his post beyond the wooden divide. Malcolm eased within his wife and the door shuddered again as he sheathed himself with a nudge. He smothered her cry with a kiss and pulled back to indulge again.

Did she realise how he ached for her, that he couldn’t have gone another second apart?

The guard posted on the other side of the door turned about, curious—was there a draft, he wondered, it wasn’t unusual for the keep to creak and shudder when the wind picked up outside. He thought he heard someone and his senses sharpened as he focused on the sound only to blink and straighten as heat went through his cheeks as the realisation struck. Not to be disturbed were the orders the skyrider had passed on. “Message received,” the guard mouthed to himself and couldn’t help but chuckle.

The sound threw Malcolm off his game as his belly tightened with unspent laughter. At least he could do that, the stray thought crossed his mind, laugh again. He carried Elyna from the door to the edge of the bed, having withdrawn, and set her down with care. He sank down on his knees and kissed over her silky thighs, hands lifting the nightdress she wore to her hips. He wanted to make her sing, to cry out in the night and forget her friend's departure, the man at the door and the war they found themselves at the centre of. He wanted to forget those things too.

Despair

#70
How had he approached without her notice? The stray thought crossed her mind before it was obliterated. Lost like dust to the wind, along with any other coherent thought. Her attention sharpened to the points where his hands moved against her robe, heat pooling in her middle. She could feel his breath on her skin. Bowed with desire Elyna bent her head forward as lips traversed the bare, sun-kissed skin of her shoulder. His hands deft, rough and determined as he cast blue silk aside.

Drunk with desire she turned to face him. Arms looping over his shoulders as she returned his kiss. Heated with unspent passion, she strained, hardly daring to breathe as the guard moved past. She panted, head tilted back with the torture of restraint. Listening for sounds of retreat. Till once again her King stole her focus. Her cry muffled against his kiss, Elyna struggled to halt her moan, breath catching in her lungs as he hilt himself again. There had been no pain, only dizzying bliss. Head spinning, Elyna stiffened at the smothered laughter beyond the divide.

Embarrassed she stared down at Malcolm, horrified that someone had heard, until the smallest bite of laughter escaped him. He laughed and she giggled, her panic finding escape as she buried her face in his neck once more.

Set down and curious she watched as he sank to his knees before her. Her lips parted as she struggled to inhale anew. ‘No,’ it was more moan than a word, she curled her hands around his nape to guide him back to her before he could reach his goal. In the chilly room, sweat already beaded her features, ‘I can’t wait,’ Elyna protested, ‘not another second, Mal’ the woman pleaded softly. The room was lit only by the fireplace. She could pretend it was their own private world. Anyone who might hear could throw themselves off the roof for all she cared.

For a few short moments there was bliss, until her attention was summoned by commotion in the corridor beyond. Panting, caught in the throws of passion, the woman heard raised voices. She groaned with frustration.

‘I really must protest, Sir, m’Lady is not to be disturbed unless of deathly importance.’ There were two sets of hurried footsteps, as someone, tailed by the guard, approached down the hallway. Shaking the door on its hinges.

‘This is that,’ the unmistakable voice of Jared Warrick was gruff as he stopped his journey and raised a fist.

The guard winced, edging back down the corridor.

‘Elyna?’ Jared called before trying the handle, only to find it locked. ‘I can’t find, Malcolm?’ He lowered his voice, mindful of the fury that waking sleeping twin’s could cause.

Elyna stared at the ceiling. Were they cursed? She wondered.

‘If you know where he might be, I have word of Thomas Yilmaz.’

Despair

#71
He bowed to her wishes, moving to join the woman on the bed. He was swift to bridge the space between them, unrestrained in his affections. The guard was forgotten and for one stolen moment together, they shared nothing but ecstasy.

The commotion at the door saw the king to his feet, his woollen trousers pulled on once more. He was ready to thump the person he found beyond the door, until he recognised Jared’s voice and heard the familiar name, Yilmaz.

With a glance backwards, Malcolm made sure Elyna was wrapped in the nearest fur before he pulled the door open. The baron and the guard turned from their disagreement to see the king, but Jared’s gaze fell behind the man to take in the sight of Elyna, bare shoulders and legs on display.

The pair flushed and stepped back from the door to give Malcolm some room and the Queen some privacy. “Apologies, your grace,” the guard said, head bowed, “there’s news of Thomas Yilmaz.”

“What news?” Malcolm asked, his eyes on Jared, who seemed to have trouble looking at him.

“There’s been a sighting,” Jared said.

“Where?” Malcolm barked.

Jared looked at the guard, not sure they could trust him. “Your grace, may we speak somewhere more private?”

“Private?” Malcolm scoffed, “privacy doesn’t exist here, speak up, I’m busy.”

“Malcolm, I must insist,” Jared said.

Malcolm stepped out into the corridor and the door fell closed behind him with a gentle click, the knight keenly aware of his sleeping children and the ease with which they stirred.

Despair

#72
Elyna knew that she shouldn’t hate Jared, but in that moment it was hard not to. They found exquisite bliss, moving together in unrivaled passion. There was nothing better than this, Elyna was convinced. Nothing better than kissing her lover as he moved within her. They were close, she knew it with spine tingling certainty before the commotion doused fire with the effect of snow.

The fur pulled around her middle, draped across her arms, the woman managed to wriggle her behind beneath the covers though tan legs escaped from the knee. She looked between the three men, features painted crimson. Until the door clicked shut.

The woman was on her feet. The robe wrapped hastily over her shoulders, fur discarded as she held the two lengths closed over her body. Bare feet saw her run into the corridor till she managed to catch her husband by the hand. Ignoring Jared, ignoring the guard, Elyna rose onto her toes and pressed her kiss to the king. Long and hard and longing before she withdrew enough to whisper in his ear, ‘whatever you need to do,’ she gave her blessing to his departure, ‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she promised and sank back onto the balls of her feet. Ensuring she was decently covered by the robe, she returned back down the corridor only glancing over her shoulder to smile at her King as he stood stunned on the floor boards, the poor guard staring with abject determination at the wall.

She closed the door behind her with a click, lay her head back against it with a sigh of suppressed desire.