Despair

#1
15 Bloom AOK 22


Ben and Emily made short work of the journey together. Even so, the Captain paused as the gates were opened for them, making sure that Pavoo and the rest of the troops from Burhan were making steady progress up the mountain in the precious hours of daylight.

She hadn’t said much, occasionally glancing over at the King’s brother. A knight she was encountering with more frequency, much to Liam’s frustration. Although that was inevitable, wasn’t it. When you lived your life in the orbit of someone touched by the hand of destiny. There was something about Elyna that pulled the world into motion wherever she went. A magnetic force that had met its match in a commoner somehow destined to be King. The world moved around them, and She and Ben were moons to their planets on course to collide.

‘She loves your Brother,’ Emily said eventually, ‘she’s a bit of an idiot…but she does love him.’ The Skyrider scowled and fanned a hand at the oncoming snow, as though she could wave the weather away. ‘The tribesman…he’s a good man. Their ways are different but he’s the reason that she and the children are still alive.’

There was little time to speak after that, as Emily was escorted down to the Volarean mews and took to the skies with the eagerness that only a Skyrider could.

It was seven days before the Volarean were sighted again. Three of them swooping down to land on the field within the walls of Mayce.

Elyna slipped down from her mount, passing a bundle to Kyan, who had beaten her to the ground. She collected a second bundle from a basket secured to the saddle and then scurried forward,

Emily ran ahead, racing through the streets to the Keep door. Streets that had been so familiar the year before, but now felt so different.

‘Ben!’ She thumped her hand upon the heavy wooden panels, her cloak pulled over her head as a shelter from the storm. ‘Liam! Pavoo!’

Elyna and Kyan hurried behind her, both clutching a squirming, mewling bundle to their chest, wrapped within their cloaks and a small section of repurposed wolf-pelt.

Despair

#2
She loves your brother, you know. The words replayed in the man’s mind as he watched the skyrider take flight. He sighed. Once upon a time Benjamin had been so eager to encourage his brother towards love, a love he was sure the man had found in Elyna. Now, he was no longer sure that those words were true. His own history with love had led to cold shoulders and biting words, a marriage out of duty for the sake of a son he no longer recognised. No, for Malcolm he wanted more than he saw unfolding in the years they had known Lady Burhan. Absence, in their case, had not made the heart grow fonder.

“She will need to,” Benjamin said to himself, “I don’t know how else they will fix this mess.”


It was not like Ben to pine, but he found himself, now and then, thinking about the skyrider. Emily was always smiling or so full of hope about one thing or another. She was fearless, loyal, and she knew how to have a good time without complicating things. So, when he heard her voice beyond the doors of the keep, he raced to see them open and helped the trio out of the snow. A little bit of frost always lingered in the mountains where the shadows were longer and the winter and summer storms lingered.

“Send for Lord Burhan,” he said to one of the knights stationed in the grand hall.

The woman nodded and took the stairs to the second floor where Pavoo had been assigned a room Elyna had once stayed in. He came down soon after, pleased to find his daughter had returned safe and sound.

“Can I?” Pavoo asked, eager to hold his grandchildren.

“Good news I hope?” Emily asked.

“Indeed,” Benjamin said, “my brother sent word a few days ago. We are expecting him to arrive two days from now.”

“With his men?” Pavoo asked.

“Those still standing,” Benjamin said.

“Good. With the two hundred odd he has here and whatever he returns with, plus our lot, we’ll be looking at closer to five hundred,” Pavoo said.

“That’s a lot of mouths to feed,” Emily cut in. “If the storm dies down tomorrow, I’d like to go out with the hunting party.”

“Very well I’ll join you,” Ben said.

Despair

#3
Elyna looked up at the mention of a hunt, she held Elsie tight to her chest as Kyan cradled Luke. She exchanged a look with the man before offering her father a shy smile, ‘is there somewhere we can sit? I’d love to introduce you,’ she assured the man. But Pavoo was having none of it and reached for Elsie, delighting as the baby girl stared at him with a pair of hazel green eyes, downy auburn hair already curling around her ears.

‘Could Kyanite join you?’ She asked quietly, ‘I know he would always prefer to be out from behind walls?’

‘We’ll certainly catch more,’ Emily grinned, following the group as they were led to a familiar sitting room. The fireplace was lit, and weak sunlight streamed through the windows.

Finally, Elyna peeled away her out layers, confused for a moment to learn her things would be taken to the master bedroom. However, she held her tongue and remained silent.

Malcolm would arrive in two days? The woman felt her stomach flutter with nerves, and then sickness. She settled on one of the rugs infront of the fire, watching as her Father acquainted himself with his grandchildren. Leaning back against one of the chairs, she closed her eyes for just a second and was instantly asleep.

Kyanite, After a brief discussion with Ben, Emily beckoned the man to the hall. She gave him a tour of the keep, leading him to a room nearest one where Elyna’s belongings had been bought. You cannot share with Elyna here. Emily explained quietly. She hoped the man would understand, their customs were so different to the freedoms enjoyed on the plains. She reached out, grasping the mans arm gently, in what she hoped was a show of affection.

Rest, she encouraged. Safe here.

The next days passed without incident or drama. Emily and Kyan rode out with the hunt, whilst Elyna remained in the Keep arranging things for the children.Her disrupted time with the twins, making it difficult for the woman to continue nursing. But with two long seasons behind them, the babies had started experimenting with foods, which was just as frequently squished into their hair and rubbed over their faces as entered into their mouths. They had also started moving, little hands padding over one of the living rooms that had been cleared of precious items. Pavoo spent his time on his hands and knees, chasing his grandchildren as they wriggled and giggled with delight. Though they screamed and struggled, railing against the more restrictive clothing of Renmere’s society, rather than the nakedness and soft furs they’d often been afforded in Emanys.

In the evenings, with the twins settled, Elyna joined Ben and Emily in the library. Playing cards and slowly easing out of the numbness that had followed her, laughing at her friends continual teasing. Relaxing and even sipping some wine as she threw down her cards in despair, and grinned. ‘You’ll fleece me, Em’’

‘Only if you’re good for the money,’ Emily offered a sly wink, ‘I know where you live.’

Elyna laughed at that, shaking her head. She stood, ‘good night Ben,’ she nodded to the man with a smile, ‘don’t stay up too late, she’ll steal everything from you’ the woman warned and made her departure. Knowing that her time to sleep would be limited by the two tiny lives she shared her room with.

‘Kyan?’ Elyna pushed the door gently, and sure enough the tribesman was asleep on a pile of furs in the center of the room, one babe on either side of him. With a smile, Elyna pulled up her skirts to the knee so that she could bend. She knelt beside the man, touching a hand gently to his chest.

‘Kyan?’ She waited for him to stir, sitting back on her heels as he did so.

Emily stretched below, hiding a yawn behind her hand before she grinned at Ben, ‘you see…she can come back…when she’s not so frightened of everything.’ The woman took a drink of water, knowing she was destined to return to the watch in a few hours.

‘Does he love her?’ The woman looked across at her card partner.

Despair

#4
Kyanite heeded Emily’s summons, but only after lingering at the door for a time, sure it was not right to leave Elyna while she slept,- leaving her babies in the hands of another. Pavoo was her father, he reminded himself, but after coming to terms with what her brother had been capable of, he wasn’t sure he trusted their sire yet.

The tour of the manor left him feeling puzzled and lost. How did a building so large exist and what was its purpose? A shrine to dusty sheets, polished metals and countless books. He would never understand the ways of these strangers, a thought that made him feel a little homesick.

The hunt had gone well, though he was not sure the pair he had tagged along with were doing much hunting. They giggled and talked too much, scaring a lot of the smaller game away. They managed to return with a doe and a handful of rabbits, enough for the cooks to make a stew they could beef up with different root vegetables.


The days went by painfully slow for the Onkarl, but he filled his time helping out wherever he could. The language barrier proved difficult, but most of the individuals he was introduced to were kind enough to explain things more than once. He picked up the odd common word here and there, but forming sentences seemed like a distant dream.

He took his watch of the children very seriously and enjoyed the time they spent with him. They seemed at ease around him, calmed by the familiarity of his face, voice and scent. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep with them in his arms, having wanted to wait up for Elyna. The weight of them in his arms reminded him of home, of cool summer nights snuggled up with River and Cora in the ger.

It had taken Elyna longer than usual to wake the man, sure this was the first time he had slept so well since landing in Renmere.

Are you all right? He signed in the darkness, the fireplace burning dangerously low.

Kyanite didn’t dare move much more than his hand for fear of waking the twins.


Benjamin collected up the cards, busying his hands as he thought on Emily’s question. “He’s so… private,” Ben said, “he doesn’t really talk about such things. It ate him up, not knowing where she was,” Ben added. “I know Malcolm was under a lot of pressure to return home and that it was the last thing he wanted to do.”

He set the cards aside and topped up their glasses with the last of the wine, pouring Emily a serve before himself. “Malcolm is a bit of an enigma,” Benjamin said. “He just doesn’t think or act like anyone else I know. The amount of times we all tried to drag him into the brothel or serve him one too many drinks. He’s so disciplined—I just couldn’t live like that,” Ben admitted.

“Do you think they are well suited?” He asked Emily. “She doesn’t seem fond of him? And she hates Jared. I can’t understand why? Jared is so… easy to get along with. I can’t say I get the fallout? He’s the man who should have been king of this forsaken place. He would have been a good one too. I don’t think Malcolm likes the job—I know for a fact he didn’t want it.”

Despair

#5
Elyna shifted her weight, so that she could perch cross legged on the floorboards. She set her back to a dresser, smoothing her skirts around her ankles. The woman nodded, a universal answer to the Onkarl’s question.

I am sorry for bringing you here. She signed eventually and forced herself to look at the man. Chaos, death.Too much. Elyna let out a slow sigh. Time to communicate properly with Kyan had been limited, even when it had just been the pair of them, they’d been focused on their task of moving quickly through the mountains towards the twins. Kyan had acted with a single minded determination that the woman could appreciate. Especially when it came to protecting her babies. She wouldn’t have trusted them for an evening with anyone else.

With warm skies, you return home. To Cora, to River and Rain, she smiled at the man. He had given so much of himself and she knew that she would miss him desperately. But it wasn’t fair for him to stay any longer. My home is changed. She had hoped to show him the beauty of Renmere, to introduce him to the people she loved. It seemed like such a different dream, and a world she was already weary of negotiating.


Emily sniffed the wine before taking her drink, mulling over the taste before setting the glass down with a nod of appreciation. She lent back in her chair, legs stretched out beneath the table to avoid cramping. ‘Do you think he chooses to be so disciplined?’ She wondered aloud, ‘or maybe it’s just who he is? He’s comfortable within the rules.’ The woman rubbed a hand across her brow and found herself tilting her head at the giant across from her.

Were Malcolm and Elyna well suited? She laughed, ‘Malcolm is complicated, Elyna is complicated…a match made in chaotic paradise.’ The skyrider shook her head, ‘scratch that, Ely isn’t complicated at all - you know her Ben. You served together in Nejem. She says what she thinks, she acts how she feels and it’s our whole world that tells her she is wrong to do so, that above all others she needs to hide everything that makes her Elyna.’ Emily moved her fingertips over the glass stem, smoothing them over the polished surface, she had probably given too much thought to her friend and what made her tick over the years.

‘She’s jealous of Jared,’ the woman admitted softly, ‘of the friendship he shares with Malcolm. Jared has his trust, his time and confidence. She’s been…frightened,’ Emily sighed quietly and finished her drink, ‘she hides it well Ben, but she was frightened to be alone and pregnant in Aramane. Terrified to be dragged across the country with the twins, frightened to come back to Renmere.’

‘Malcolm arrived like some kind of storybook hero, but he left so quickly. She’ll push him away, and he will go.’

Despair

#6
Come with me, Kyanite said. He had seen this land for himself and though it was as beautiful as Elyna had tried to express, was it worth all the blood spilled? Cora, he waved, we love you. We will protect you from, “treason,” he said. Even in his short time here, he had heard the word thrown around and it seemed someone paid the price with their life every time it was spoken.

Kyanite took his left arm out from under Luke with care before freeing his right arm. He shuffled to the end of the bed and moved around it to make sure they were secured with a pillow stuffed under the furs beside them. The man turned to Elyna then and hesitated a moment before going to the fireplace to feed the burning embers with fresh wood.

They aren’t safe here, he gestured to the children. In Emanys they would be safe, even from my worst enemy. Kyanite was still for a moment before he signed. Come with me, tonight—we can take the twins and go. You won’t be happy here, Elyna. I see that. A life spent looking over your shoulder, wondering if you can trust those closest to you. Come with me. I will always see you. I will always hear you.


“Discipline is a choice,” Ben answered, “which is why I choose it some days and ignore its existence the next.” He teased before taking another sip of the wine. “Like tonight, I know it wasn’t wise to drink through two bottles of wine, but I, unlike my brother, won’t take this life for granted. If someone slits my throat in my sleep tonight, I spent this evening the best way possible. Fuck tomorrow!” He grinned.

Ben was serious as he listened then, thinking back to their season in Nejem, one spent without Malcolm. “Elyna spent most of her time with Owen. I think he was quite sweet on her.”

“Not your type?” Emily jested.

“She’s not you,” Ben said.

Emily brought up Jared and Ben leaned back in his chair. “I think I told you we teased him once about how close he is to the baron. Malcolm certainly didn’t appreciate it. I keep trying to think back to what he was like when we were younger. He just always was this old soul in a boy's body. I remember my father had this room back home in Krome, which no one was allowed to go into. Completely off limits.” Ben smirked. “One day Owen comes out of there, hands covered in ink. He must have been about seven at the time. Anyway, we go in, Malcolm and I, and find these papers on my father’s desk—completely ruined. Owen had tipped the ink fountain over.”

He took a big drink of the wine and set the near empty glass down alongside his pack of cards. “My father came in—you should have seen his face—like a storm. Asks who made the mess. Who puts his hand up…”

“Malcolm?” Emily asked.

Ben nodded. “Gets the belt in front of Owen and I. Got all our chores for the next year. Later—years later, my father finds out Owen spilled the ink.”

“How’d he find out?” Emily inquired.

“Owen must have written his name under the desk using his finger. I never saw it, I just tried to ask my mother about it later.”

Emily giggled. “Did he get the belt too?”

Ben shook his head. “Malcolm did, for lying.”

Emily sipped her wine. “Did he ever cover for Owen again?”

“Every time,” Ben said. “Can’t help but think if Owen got that belt just once, maybe he… I don’t know.”

“Might be more like Malcolm?”

Ben shook his head. “Not that… I just hope sending that arrow into his brother was harder than watching Malcolm accept punishment on his behalf. I don’t know how he was able to stay silent about it all those years. I bet if you asked, Malcolm would tell you he had the best childhood—really, I can understand why he wanted to leave and join the Iron Hand. After he met Jared, he stopped coming home in Frost, or for family celebrations. Just stayed in Warrick, training, taking extra missions.”

“Do you think Jared had something to do with that?” Emily suggested.

“I think Malcolm went out and surrounded himself with people who would never put him in that predicament again.” Ben shrugged.

“Where he had to take the blame?” Emily asked.

“Where he felt trusted and knew he could trust others. My father is a pretty serious man who lived by a lot of rules. Maybe that’s where Malcolm gets it from?” Ben rose and picked up his pack of cards. “Renmere is a frightening place right now. It could be for years to come… If she’s going to push him away—if they can’t be united and work together, he may just walk.”

Despair

#7
Elyna looked up at Kyanite, watching him sign. He communicated with his whole self, face, body and soul aligned with the words he formed. She trusted him implicitly, in such a short space of time he stood beside Emily. A woman, who for so many years had been her only true friend and companion. Elyna looked down at her hands. Turning them over.

Had she once felt the same about Malcolm? She had trusted him. She had trusted the stranger on the road. He’d been calm, decisive and kind. She had trusted the watch Captain in their small band of Knights and she had missed him desperately. Being without Malcolm was like living without sight. It was possible, she could even find happiness - yet she would always know what was missing from her life. And should she stay in Renmere? Wouldn’t she feel Kyanite’s loss just as bitterly? She wet dry lips and looked up at the man without fear. Kyan wouldn’t judge her for needing to study her thoughts and give her heart time to speak. He wouldn’t be angry, she explained herself badly.

I have to make things right. Elyna explained, not all have power. I can help. The woman waved her arm towards the window, hoping he would understand that she meant the people of Renmere. Orna, Onkarl must do best for their tribe. Even if it hurts. Even if they might try and kill her for it.


Emily took a breath, she ran her fingers through her short pixie-length hair. ‘I worry for them,’ she admitted and searched Benjamin’s pale gaze. The man had shared so much of his brother’s history. Everything that Emily suspected Elyna didn’t know, couldn’t know. Malcolm had suffered the punishment for those he loved. What happened when he reached his limit.

‘It must have been difficult for you, caught in the middle. Must be hard now,’ Emily watched the man and offered a teasing smile, ‘no wonder you drink,’ she nodded to the empty bottles.

The woman found herself chewing on her bottom lip. She swallowed and stood up, walking around the table she perched on the edge so that she could speak quietly to the man before her, heart speeding up in her chest. ‘Elyna took all her own beatings,’ she said softly. ‘My mother is a licensed healer, and Caelin’s maid. She’s an expert in stopping scars and healing bones.’ Emily felt sick for her betrayal, ‘she left Caelin’s service the day Elyna departed for the city.’ Her fingers shook before the woman gave herself a shake.

The skyrider rested a hand on Ben’s shoulder, ‘they will work it out.’ She paused then, ‘I heard what you said Beaumont,’ her mouth tilted in a sly smile. She bent, pressed a kiss to his cheek and stood. ‘I’m due on watch,’ she explained and bowed her head to the man, a soldier to a Captain. ‘Good night.’

Despair

#8
Jared helped Malcolm remove the heavy chainmail and carried it to a servant for it to be cleaned and stored. The regent pulled off his under vest and splashed his face with water. His tongue went over his upper lip and he tasted salt on his skin from sweat.

“How many bodies today?” Malcolm asked Jared. The baron had been keeping a note. He liked to stay informed.

“We took at least four hundred off the battlefield today. I don’t think there is much more now. My men and I can probably manage the rest from here.”

“Four hundred?” Malcolm rubbed the back of his neck, stiff after a long day of loading corpses onto wagons.

“The total must be closer to eight hundred now,” Jared informed him.

“How many wounded?” Malcolm asked.

“Three hundred. Half of them we don’t expect to recover.”

“So we could be looking at a thousand dead?”

“Most of them belong to Burhan and Andaris,” Jared confirmed. “But we lost more than I feel comfortable with.”

“It’s madness,” Malcolm agreed. He sat down and pulled off his boots.

Jared sat across from him, leaning against the steaming marble bath that took up most of the room. He undressed and twisted so that his back was to Malcolm before he sunk into the water. He sat against the edge with the water level just below his collar. Malcolm moved to join him, sitting a metre or so from the baron. He cupped the water and brought it to his face, washing it a second time.

“There was a boy on the field today, a squire. He looked about twelve.”

“So young,” Jared said.

“Looked like he had been trampled by a horse.”

“It was havoc out there, but our plan worked.”

Malcolm frowned. “I can’t unsee his face.”

Jared was quiet at that. Working from the skies, he had not gotten very close to the battle, unlike Malcolm, who had been there on the field, setting the wheat alight and picking off any who dared face Endor.

“It made me think of Marcus. He should have squired for someone—should have started at the ground up. Perhaps then he would understand the value of a life,” Malcolm said.

“His teacher never saw battle,” Jared replied.

Malcolm washed his arms as if he were trying to scrub away the guilt and shame he felt. “Atler was more of a father to him than I ever was.”

Jared tipped his head back. The motion caught Malcolm’s attention and he turned his head to witness a tear roll down the man’s cheek. His own eyes burned at the thought of the daughter Jared had lost, an order that had come from his son. Malcolm blinked as he looked away, a shameful attempt to make it seem as if he hadn’t noticed the silent moment of pain.

“Can you ever forgive me?” Malcolm asked, “for the sins of my son?”

Jared raised his hands to his face then, splashing the tears away. “Could you forgive me?” Jared asked, “for Owen?”

Malcolm shook his head. “I don’t know what to do about him.”

“I don’t think he’s given us a choice,” Jared said. “He tried to kill you, Malcolm…”

“He almost did,” Malcolm agreed.

“You should go,” Jared told him.

“Go?”

The baron nodded, “to Mayce.”

Malcolm shook his head. “I can’t leave him here.”

“Then take them with you,” Jared said. “It’s the most protected prison in all of Renmere.”

Malcolm didn’t look convinced.

“I know you,” Jared said. “I know you won’t be able to sleep unless Owen is under your roof.”

He looked at his friend, studied his face, always falling short of being able to read those cyan eyes. His hair looked darker when wet and even after a long winter, Jared’s skin reminded him of summers gone. “You mean that?”

The baron nodded. “If it brings you peace.”

“What about your peace?”

Jared looked down. “I am being tested, brother…”

“Come to Mayce with me?” Malcolm turned to face the man.

“I can’t, what if Andaris or Venora attack again?”

“Victor would welcome that,” Malcolm teased. He was more serious then. “Marcus will try to fortify the city. He may not understand battle but he knows strategy, Atler made sure of that. He knows if he sends more troops and loses, that he won’t have enough men to defend the capital.”

“I’m sure Pavoo would just love to see me,” Jared jested.

“There are bridges to be mended,” Malcolm agreed. “You were just the messenger. You can no sooner ignore the wises of your family th—“

“—Malcolm,” Jared stopped him, “I’ll speak to my brother tonight. You will have my answer by morning.”


They set out on horseback at first light with twenty five men and women of Mayce and the same again from Warrick. Jared brought two trusted servants with him and enough previsions to help feed their combined forces for the next season. Some days later, they arrived in Mayce to a moonless night, smothered by cloud cover.

Once the horses were stabled, the prisoners were secured in their seperate cells, and their troops were settled in the barracks, Malcolm made the climb in the dark to the main house. He bid his friend goodnight and made his way up the stairs to his room, only to be intercepted by Emily.

“Your Grace,” she curtsied. “Elyna is asleep, allow me to help her dress and send her down to greet you?”

Malcolm agreed with a nod after a moment's hesitation. His muscles ached and he longed to rest his head on a familiar pillow. “I’ll be in the library.”

“Of course.” Emily smiled and watched him go before ducking back into the room she had just come out of.

She looked between Kyanite and Elyna. She had just informed her friend that she was due to take a watch shift on the wall.

That was quick, Kyanite teased.

Emily pinned Elyna with a look. She spoke the knight’s tongue to make sure the Onkarl could make no sense of her message. “The king is waiting for you in the library. Hopefully I’ve bought you enough time to get rid of him,” Emily jerked her head in Kyanite’s direction, the move subtle, but obvious. “Forgot something,” she told Kyanite. “Do you need anything else?” The woman asked Elyna. “Some of the other Skyriders are expecting me.”

Despair

#9
Elyna had been sat on a chair, a book in her hands as she read quietly to the tribesman. Time had passed slowly within the walls of Mayce, but Elyna understood that books we rarer than gold in Emanys and had made a point to try and share the knowledge within them with the man. Instead of stories, she read him history from Aramane, Nejem and Renmere, interpreting the words as best she could into the man’s native language. She smiled at him as Emily left, Kyan would surely be the most academic of all Onkarls.

The children slept on the furs beside the man, comforted by his presence. She looked up as Emily returned, lips parting in surprise as the book slid from her fingers and landed with a thud on the floor. She bent to collect it, closed the pages with a snap and looked up at Emily, ‘I’ll be alright, thank you.’ Elyna stood, setting the tome to one side as she pushed her hands through her loose hair, forcing herself to keep breathing. Why was the return of Malcolm, combined with such a sense of panic?

‘Safe watch,’ she wished for her friend and turned back to Kyanite, you will need to sleep in the other room. Elyna reminded the man. It had been an agreement between them, one she felt he respected, even if he didn’t understand . My husband has returned. This is his home. She gestured to the small room around them. Surely Kyan would understand the implication of another man sharing the equivalent of his ger, what that would mean. A woman, even among Emanys, couldn't have two husbands.

Should she take Kyan to meet Malcolm? She looked down at the sleeping babies, it seemed such a shame to disturb them…and yet she didn’t want to leave them alone. Can they come with you? She asked, and knew his answer before it was given. Elyna helped Kyan to ease the furs into the next room. She was nervous, hands trembling as she bid the Tribesman a good night. I will take you to him, tomorrow . She promised, though she dreaded to think what they would make of each other. I must be wife.

Elyna slipped from the room and took the time to study herself in the mirror. She wore a dark green dress with sleeves that closed around her wrists. Skirts flaring around her ankles as she walked. She ran her fingers through her hair, tresses loose except where a few strands had been braided in Ontari style. How long had it been since Emily had appeared? She swallowed, probably too long.

The woman left the room in a hurry, only to hear a small wail pick up behind the walls behind her. Unable to resist, the woman peered through as Kyan bent to collect Elsie, handing her into Elyna’s outstretched arms without a word. Elyna thanked the man and retreated once again. She held the baby tight to her chest, shushing her gently as she picked her way down the stairs. The baby girl snuffled in her arms, nose pressing against her collarbone as she blinked, resisting the urge to sleep, her brother was unlikely to wake once he was settled for the night.

She pushed the heavy door of the library open, and stepped inside. Malcolm, even exhausted as he must be, still stole the breath from her lungs. Automatically she bounced the baby in her arms, trying to settle her.

‘Malcolm?’ He stood with his back to her and she swallowed her nerves. ‘I uh…’ she drew an uneasy breath, ‘I owe you an apology.’

Despair

#10
Kyanite watched Elyna move to the stairs with Elsie. It was rare for her to separate the twins, but Kyanite knew their routine and sat with Luke, sure the boy would not wake. He looked to the starry night beyond the window and couldn’t help but think of Elyna. Was she safe here? What kind of man was her husband? He sighed—it really was none of his concern, he tried to remind himself. Elyna had chosen to stay and fix things, though he couldn’t be sure if she had meant her marriage or the situation in her home country. Either way, he knew she faced difficulty, but had parted with wise words his father had once told him. Tough times don’t last, tough people do.


Malcolm stood looking over his desk. Everything was just as it had been the last time he was here, only the dust was new. He set down a couple of books he had been intending to read for a while now, but never seemed to get the chance. His collection of history books was extensive, but these were stories of fiction, an uncommon thing even in Renmere.

Someone entered the room and he froze. Her presence filled every square-inch of the place, making the air feel electric. It felt impossible to face her after the terms they had parted on, yet here she was, offering him an apology. Malcolm turned and whatever he had been about to say died on his lips at the sight of Elsie, far bigger than he could have imagined she would be. But of course, seasons had passed since he had last held her. She no longer had that newborn look or smell.

“Elsie?” He asked once he drew near enough to extend his arms to take her. “Can I hold her?”

He could understand the woman’s hesitation and held his breath as the decision was made. “Here you are,” he said to the babe, bringing her to his chest. “And here I am with you at last.” Malcolm was not a stranger to holding children, but it had been so long since he had last held a baby, that it made him appear somewhat awkward.

Elsie looked so tiny in the knight’s strong arms. He looked as dark as the night itself, wrapped in layers of black. Elsie’s white woollen wrap stark against the dark clothing, like a sliver of moonlight against a midnight sky.

Malcolm smiled as he looked at Elyna, only for his features to settle into a rather stern look, perhaps even one of concern. What had she meant to apologise for? He was quiet, open to hearing her out. It wasn’t until Elsie noticed that she was in the arms of a stranger, that Malcolm realised her screaming would make that impossible. “You better take her,” he said to Elyna, as he handed her the babe, unwilling or perhaps not convinced that he had the power to settle her. “I am a stranger to our daughter…”

Despair

#11
Elyna had passed Elsie over with a smile, indulgent of her daughter. But she lingered, trying to keep her hands at her sides rather than fuss with the wrap or the way Malcolm held the baby. Malcolm had two older children, he knew how to do this and Elsie was safe in the arms of her Father. She took a step back, no longer knowing what to do with her hands. She held them together, lips pressed together as she watched the man. Her hopeful expression faltering beneath the stern look that she received. Why was it wrong to hope? To have every breathe of excitement stolen? Was this what marriage was? It wasn’t how Cora and Kyan behaved with one another, she hadn’t even suspected that cross words were exchanged between the two in the limited privacy offered by a ger.

She summoned her determination to speak again, only to be cut off as Elsie started to wail. Accepting the baby back, felt like a defeat. She looked down at her daughter and couldn’t help but feel rejected by Malcolm’s eagerness to hold her back. Hope, she reminded herself, though her throat felt as though it was closing once more. Panic was not welcome here. Hope, she reminded herself. Elsie was a stranger to her father, and that was not his fault. Nor was it a situation of Elyna’s making. Yvan had stolen them, and stolen those precious seasons from their family. There was no point dismissing Malcolms words either, because they were valid and she suspected that the man felt every bit as rejected in that moment.

‘It won’t always be so,’ Elyna forced herself to speak up. She wrapped the blanket around her daughter and held her upright against her shoulder again. The baby nuzzled against her neck, huffed and promptly fell asleep. ‘They will know you soon enough.’

Elyna glanced down at the sleeping baby, suspicious that she might wake again. She looked around the room before moving carefully to one of the high backed chair beside the fireplace and sat down carefully, still balancing the babe. Only once she was settled, did she dare to breathe again. Confident that Elsie would give her the time and space to speak. The firelight flickered beside her. Malcolm looked so tall and dark and so strange. A king in his finery. A man she didn’t know.

‘I owe Jared an apology also,’ Elyna admitted and forced herself to look up. ‘I was wrong to shoot Yvan. I acted with disrespect towards Jared…and I was wrong to assume you had betrayed my trust to him.’ She flushed then, heat starting to rise on the base of her collarbone as she shifted in her discomfort. ‘I should have held my tongue, and had some faith in my husband.’ Elyna swallowed uneasily. There were reasons behind her actions and her anger, but she wouldn’t try to justify herself. Malcolm would either be able and willing to accept her apology, or he would not.

Despair

#12
How did she do that? Vanessa displayed the same magical touch once upon a time, a power he was yet to master. Malcolm hovered, eager to study the face of his daughter, his first girl, one no man would ever love as purely as he did. His chest was tight at the thought of losing her, as Jared had lost his daughter. She had been taken from him once, something the regent had vowed to himself he would never allow to happen again.

Elyna admitted her mistake in trying to take Yvan’s life, but failed to mention the threat she had made against the baron’s. It was not an apology she need make to him. “Given the circumstances,” Malcolm said, regarding Yvan, “I think anyone could understand your pain and frustration in that moment.”

As for her faith in him, he thought, had it also been fair for her to make so very public their disagreement? Malcolm shook his head, he didn’t accept her apology, but that was simply because he did not require it. “It’s been a difficult time for everyone,” Malcolm said, “cast what is done from your mind and do not allow it to nest.”

Despair

#13
With Malcolm staring so ardently at their daughter, Elyna carefully moved the baby so that he could see her. One of her arms escaped the wrap and fell limp from her side. Her head tipped back as she fell into deeper slumber, small lips pursed as she shifted. ‘She stirs in her sleep,’ Elyna explained softly, as though Elsie would know she was being discussed, ‘Luke sleeps like a stone, unwilling to wake,’ the woman confided and offered the man a small smile, gently teasing in her suggestion that their son took after his father.

Elyna waited as his judgment fell before nodding slowly. It seemed the man was no longer angry with her. She moved to speak again, only to hold her tongue. She had missed him, desperately, furiously and hated every day that he had spent in Rhode. He had chosen to abandon her, chosen to shame her publicly by refusing the Aramanian wedding her Mother had wanted. But it didn’t help either of them to hold onto anger.

‘I’m glad that you’re home,’ She looked up at him, determined to only speak the truth. ‘I-I was worried for you,’ she tested her tongue against her teeth, ‘I missed you.’ The words made her vulnerable, more exposed than any nakedness could render. He could reject her with a word, a look and their tentative peace would be shattered anew.

Despair

#14
“Worried about me?” Malcolm looked confused. Elyna and the twins had been in more danger than he could have imagined. “I hate to say it—I won’t,” he decided then and there. “Everything happens for a reason,” Malcolm said after a short pause. Had Elyna not found safety in the grasslands, who knew what fate would have awaited them back home, had they returned on time with him.

“They were waiting for us at the gate. I’m surprised Emily didn’t know? I saw her briefly before she stepped through. I’m just glad she found you, I owe her a lot, we both do.”

He paced the floor slowly in the light of the fireplace, his cloak heavy on his shoulders, head down. “I should have waited till morning to wake you. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me in the same room?” Malcolm stopped to look at Elyna. “Jared is here.” He felt like that was a dangerous detail to leave unsaid.

Despair

#15
‘At the gate?’ Elyna’s surprise was enough to see the baby flinch in her arms. Back on her feet she rocked Elsie, gently patting her tiny behind. ‘At the gate?’ She repeated, lowering her voice, ‘thank the Seven you sent Emily,’ Elyna hardly dared believe in their good fortune. He must be right, everything had a reason.

‘Mal…if Emily hadn’t found me…I don’t know that I would have been able to return.’ She exhaled, falling short of telling the man that it was likely she would have chosen not to return, still believing it had been Malcolm and Jared that had set her on the path with Yvan. Emily had challenged that belief. She had also bought a threat of danger to the grasslands.

His next words were enough to see her heart stop. Her mouth was far too dry again. The room suddenly darker and more intimate. What answer could she give? What did he want to hear? What…what answer did she want to give?

She swallowed her nerves and focused on the second piece of information he had provided. ‘Jared?’ Elyna nodded to herself, was it particularly related to their sleeping arrangements? Elyna found herself looking down at her daughter. She had been so certain that giving any credence to what Yvan said had been a fools decision. Malcolm had thoroughly convinced her of his desire, but now?

‘I…’ she felt as though she were walking on treacherous ground with no map or light to guide her way. ‘Then I can apologize to him, all the faster,’ Elyna replied softly.

‘I had…I had expected you would want to sleep in your room, in your own bed…its where me and the children are, or they’re with Kyanite next door,’ she frowned. If there was something between Mal and Jared, she had already told him that she wanted to exist amicably. It would be cruel to retract that offer now. ‘I-if you would prefer to stay with Jared…’ her gaze lingered on the floor.

Despair

#16
Malcolm blinked at the overload of information. He stood with parted lips, not knowing what to say. “Kyanite?” He began, but there was something more pressing. “Why would?” He raked his fingers through his hair, upset—it was one of his tells, one he hadn’t noticed, but those closest to him knew all too well.

He closed his eyes, swallowed the silent fury and gripped the edge of the desk behind him. So she still believed that? In that moment he just wanted to get away from her, wanted to be anywhere but within the walls of this suffocating room. Malcolm stared at the tip of his right boot, pointed his foot at the door and straightened.

“I doubt Jared needs an apology. He’s never taken anything you’ve said personally.” How he had wanted to call it a tantrum, to put an ugly name to her burning accusations. Instead he bit his tongue, thinking better of it, thinking maybe they could heal this rift if they just worked at it. No, Malcolm told himself, nothing would ever change her mind about him and Jared.

“I’m tired,” Malcolm said, but it was what he hadn’t said that left the air tense, that saw the muscles in his jaw tighten. “We can talk tomorrow. Goodnight.”

Despair

#17
Elyna found herself moving back from the man, edging over the carpet without taking her eyes off of him. He said little, and she would be pushed to consider his tone as anything beyond irritation, but his fury was palpable. When had she become so afraid of anger? Perhaps the day she had borne twins and become responsible for their lives. Elsie, sensing a change in the arms that held her, woke and started to cry.

The woman blinked quickly, feeling that she might want to do the same. Offering up her heart had been rewarded with rejection.

He had dismissed her, and Elyna had the horrible sinking feeling that perhaps things might never be resolved between them. If he hadn’t even missed her, then what was she hoping for anyway?

‘You’re the one who bought Jared into a discussion of where you wanted to sleep tonight,’ Elyna explained quietly. She lingered at the door, afraid to leave and have the threat of a storm hanging over them both. Afraid to stay and face his fury. Elsie’s cries grew more persistent and the woman bobbed a curtsey before turning to flee. Awkwardly she bent, opening the handle as she tried to soothe the baby. Slipping through a narrow gap and out into a cold hall beyond.

Elsie wailed her dissatisfaction with the temperature change and left her mother climbing the stairs, trying to shhh the baby and stem her own tears.

Despair

#18
He hated that she had moved to the exit before him, that she took one last bite before taking her leave. He felt like a Lion in a cage, picked and poked at and ready to strike. Elyna left and Malcolm turned, sweeping the items from his desk. A fountain of ink crashed against the floor amongst the discarded things and splashed black ink all through them. He couldn’t see past his anger in that moment, but hated that he had been overcome with it. He had gone to her in Warrick near pleading for a slice of normality, for a moment alone with his wife. Couldn’t she see him? Couldn’t she understand the hell he had been through!

Malcolm left the library and found himself at Jared’s door. He let himself in without knocking and spotted the baron sat on the edge of a single cot, half dressed. “Malcolm?” Jared turned as he rose, the fireplace a roar. “What’s the matter?” He could see his friend was in a state, cheeks flushed with fury and hair disheveled. He went to him, but Malcolm lashed out. Jared wrestled the man to take control of his fists, holding his wrists with a firm grip. “What happened!” He shook the man, only to bring him back in an attempt to centre him.

“I’m tired of it, I’m tired… I’m just so—tired,” Malcolm said, the fight going from him.

Jared felt the man relax and noticed his shoulders slump. Malcolm went back against the door and slid down to the floor to sit. He looked like a newborn foal, all legs. Jared crouched down and Malcolm knocked his knee, setting him off balance, he fell back and hit the floor with a dull thud. Jared rubbed his tailbone and Malcolm laughed, but he didn’t want to laugh, he was too tired to laugh, too upset.

Jared kicked him and he kicked back, as if he had no energy, not really intending harm. “Elyna?” Jared asked.

“Elyna,” Malcolm echoed.

“She doesn’t want you to share her bed?”

“She believes I’d prefer yours,” Malcolm said.

Jared was quiet, he didn’t know what to say to that. “You can have it, I’m not tired.”

“Liar.”

Jared smiled.

Malcolm studied him. “Why did Sa’ra leave?” He asked.

The question caught Jared off guard. “We grew apart,” the baron answered after a moment of thought.

“You never seemed very close,” Malcolm accused.

“It was a marriage of convenience,” Jared admitted, “a bit like yours.”

Malcolm looked offended. “I love Elyna!”

“But you weren’t sure she loved you in return,” Jared challenged. Malcolm was silent. “Are you any surer now?” The baron asked.

Malcolm shook his head.

“Go to her, you fool.”

“I can’t,” Malcolm said, “I don’t have any fight left and all we do is fight.”

“What are you going to do?” Jared asked.

“I don’t know, I just want to sleep.”

Jared got to his feet and dragged Malcolm up and away from the door. He went without struggle and let Jared guide him to the bed. Malcolm lay down without so much as removing his boots. “Sleep,” Jared said.

“I don’t want to wake up,” Malcolm whispered the terrible secret.

“Nonsense!” Jared challenged.

The regent shook his head, his eyes already closed. Jared pushed the knight’s dark hair back from his face and sat beside him for a spell.

“Did you love her?”

“She loved me,” Jared whispered, his hand on Malcolm’s chest. He waited until the man fell asleep and then went in search of Elyna.

Despair

#19
Elyna had managed to get Elsie back to sleep by the time she was back upstairs. She slid the girl gently into a basinet that had been kindly donated by a mother in the village of Mayce, whose own twins had recently grown out of it. She had lined it with Malcom’s wolf fur, in the silly idea that it might smell something of their father.

She washed her face and went to collect Luke from Kyan. The tribesman watched her with concern as she cuddled her son, and signed that marriage was difficult. But she was well. Another great benefit of using her hands to communicate, her words were untarnished with emotion as she held back her tears.

Kyan looked unconvinced, but bid her a goodnight. A kinder wish than her husband had bestowed.

Alone with the children, Elyna managed to settle Luke with his sister. It was then that she finally sank down. With her back to the bottom of the bed, the young woman pressed her face to her knees and wrapped her arms over her head. She tried not to cry, but returning to Renmere had bought out the worst in her.

She didn't hear the door move, noticing instead as the shadows changed on the floor beside her. Elyna scrambled to her feet, eyes scanning the room for a weapon in reach before she managed to take in Jared. She drew a shuddering breath, dashing the back of her hand against her face.

‘Jared,’ she pushed her fingers through her hair as though to neaten it. It was compromising to have a man in her bedroom, no matter who it was. ‘What…’ she remembered to lower her voice, chest lifting as she recovered from her fear.

‘I…can I be of service?’ She wondered why on Noar he had wandered into the room. Was he looking for Malcolm? It was the regents bedroom after all.

Despair

#20
Jared had pulled on a white, long sleeved shirt that looked too big for him, cut with a deep v-neck and ties he hadn’t bothered to do up. His brown pants disappeared into his black leather boots and he had forgone putting his belt back on, more ready for bed than a midnight walk around the manor.

Elyna scrambled to her feet and he pressed the door shut without closing it completely. He stared at her for a moment before lifting his hands to his hips. Jared was the kind of man who never shied away from confrontation, but he never seemed to judge or say an unkind word.

“Why did you marry him?” He asked. “You did not go into this blindly, and yet you continue to act as if you had? I’m confused, Elyna, and I’m not the only one. I can’t stand by while you torture him, I won’t.”

Despair

#21
Whatever Elyna had expected when Jared had entered the room, this wasn’t it. Her brows drew together with confusion. She opened her mouth to retort before steadying herself. She sank down on the edge of the bed, closing her eyes.

Why had she married Malcolm? Her heart gave an uneasy flutter. It seemed too trivial to give such a simple answer as the one that rose to her lips. She remembered the spray of the ocean, the scent of salt and the intoxicating closeness of the man who had stolen her heart. His hand, warm against hers.

‘I don’t know what answer you’re seeking?’ She replied eventually and forced herself to look at the man. Tired of second guessing herself and trying to imagine his motivation.

‘I married the man I love.’ Jared had bought calm with him and she bowed her head again, ‘it was selfish of me…’ she admitted softly, ‘knowing everything…I should have stayed away from him. But by the Seven…I took the chance to call him my own.’

Despair

#22
Why did she speak so cryptically, Jared wondered, when the answer should have been simple. “Oh, you know everything, do you?” He challenged, “or so little that you’re willing to make it up?” He stared the woman down. The question had been rhetorical. He knew exactly what she had accused the king of in Aramane and why the man was still running from that shame.

What hoops had she made him jump through to prove himself, only to slap him in the face, adding insult to injury. There was a reason he had spent all that time with his cousin, hiding from Elyna and her awful family, just as he used to hide from his own. Vanessa at least had offered a sense of normality and peace. Jared could remember the first year the pair started courting, because it was the first, since he had known Malcolm, that the man had gone home to face the Beaumonts and spend a winter there.

With Elyna, something was different. Malcolm had become secretive again, reserved, unwilling to persist. Jared understood that a lot had changed, that the weight of their new titles brought added pressure. What he didn’t understand was why after half a year apart, Elyna refused to let Malcolm reunite with his family.

“If you are unsure, if something has changed,” Jared said, “then you need to go.” He thought of Sa’ra and her return to her homeland. Had the news of their daughter’s death reached her yet? “Because this isn’t fair,” Jared added.

“You’re a distraction and a liability.” The words weren’t intended to cause pain, his tone reflected that. “We are in the middle of a war and your place is not on the battlefield serving up death sentences wherever you see fit. Your place is at your husband’s side making sure that every time he has to make a difficult decision, or ride out there, he goes with peace. If all you offer is pain, what chance does he have? What chance does this kingdom have?”

Despair

#23
Jared countered with his rhetoric and the woman straightened from where she sat on the bed. It started as a tingle in her fingertips the sense of disconnection she felt from her own body. Light headed but weightless as she stood to face the Baron. A man over two heads taller than she and far broader.

He continued and she wondered if saw how she struggled to breathe, to hold her head up. It was his final words that saw her seethe with anger. Was this how Malcolm felt too? That her way of living her life was no longer appropriate?

The woman found herself baring her teeth at the man as she shook, barely able to contain her fury. She wanted to lash out, to throw something, to run out of the door and not look back.

‘I suppose you know all, Baron?’ Elyna managed when she could finally speak again, ‘all that makes your dearest friend innocent of all?’ Her hands clenched at her sides.

‘I can count on my fingers the days I have spent with Malcolm in the last year. By the malice of others, miscommunication, vile deeds and war the world seems determined that we part. Yet still, I married the man I love!’

She drew breath, struggling to keep her voice low. ‘I married the man I love, despite knowing how woefully inadequate I would be as a Queen. Knowing how my past would only damage his standing. I married the man I love, so that I could offer him that support and solace in difficult years. The first day of our marriage he spent with my Father, the second and every day hereafter - with you!’

‘You’re a man, Baron and I could never expect you to fully appreciate what it was like to birth twins in a foreign land, when the one person you desperately need has absented himself for a silly accusation, that you have already apologized for!’

‘But here I stand and it becomes apparent that Malcolm can have no need of me, because he has you?! He’d rather lecture me than reconcile! Asks me where he should sleep and lists your bed as an option. What am I to think?! In my heart I don’t feel that it can be true but here you are. So kindly putting me in my place!’

‘Get out. Get out of my bedroom. Get away from my children.’

Despair

#24
“Don’t pretend you misheard him,” Jared tried to deflect her obvious misinterpretation.

“I know something of it,” Jared said. “My wife wasn’t born here.” He was cut off as Elyna went on to her conclusion, she wanted him out of her sight, away from her children, as if he posed some kind of threat.

“You can’t stomp your feet and scare me off like you do everyone else, then pout and point the finger,” Jared said. “An apology doesn’t mean anything if you continue to dig up what you’ve buried.”

He looked across at the bassinet and the way Elyna stood guard. “Your father asked Malcolm for things he was unwilling to grant. Two seasons later, we are at war because those demands were not met. I’d say the day with your father was poorly spent, but at least Malcolm tried to stop this.”

He went to the door and turned. “You’re harbouring a lot of resentment,” he said, “concerning things you can’t control—can’t change.” He wouldn’t tell her what to do with that, just wanted to point out the obvious in case she had overlooked it. “Poisoning your own heart, Elyna.”

The door closed behind him and the sound of his footfalls faded to silence as he made a steady retreat.

Despair

#25
Her gaze narrowed as he mentioned the day with her father. She believed that he spoke the truth. So what had Pavoo requested? Why had he even dreamt that it would be appropriate to make demands upon Malcolm. The thought made her feel worse, sickness pooling with her dread. Elyna sank back down on the bed. Everything in her demanded that she ran, that she took Jareds advice and left. It would have to be under cover of darkness, what if Malcolm didn’t let her take the children?

She slept, woke, washed and dressed neatly. The woman joined the rest of the household for breakfast, balancing Luke whilst Kyanite held Elsie, bouncing her till she giggled and sat to eat the offered strips of toast.

Elyna stared down her father, wondering if he could imagine the damage he had caused with his meeting that day. Had it been Pavoo who sent Malcolm to Rhode? Elyna turned to look at the maids as they passed. She had sent a note to the king, requesting a private audience. She would fight. Somehow she would push this boulder up hill and fight.

Despair

#26
Malcolm had slept late, it was unlike him and it left him groggy and tired. Jared had woken him, sat in a chair as he gave his updates, including his midnight chat with Elyna.

“What did she say?” Malcolm asked. He was stiff from sleeping in his boots.

Jared shrugged. “Nothing really. Just that she resents how little time the two of you get.”

“If she said nothing, then you certainly said something,” Malcolm accused the man, “I know you.”

“That if this wasn’t what she wanted, she should go,” Jared admitted.

Malcolm sighed. “It wasn’t your place.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“Jared,” Malcolm said.

“I know,” he said. “What are you going to do?”

“Give her space I suppose.”

“I don’t think she wants space,” Jared said.

“Who knows what she wants,” Malcolm said.

“Less than her father.”

Malcolm shook his head and looked to the door as there was a knock. “Enter,” he said.

Jared leaned back in his chair as a maid came in with a note. Malcolm opened it before tucking it away without saying anything. “Thank you,” he told the maid, dismissing her.

Jared raised a brow, curious.

“Nothing,” Malcolm told him, “let’s meet later and discuss our options concerning the capital?”

“Very well,” Jared agreed. “After lunch?”

“Until then.”


Malcolm washed and dressed before he went to the library. Someone had cleaned up, but there were still faint splotches of ink on the rug under his desk. One of the servants was given a message to take to Elyna, informing her that he would be in the library until lunch, which Malcolm often ate late.

He sat down and flipped through the pages of the books he had intended to read, most of which were ruined. He leaned back in the chair with a sigh, staring at a steaming cup of tea that had been left for him. He had no one to blame for his outburst but himself. Dressed in his usual dark garb, Malcolm seemed as one with the shadows, the daylight streaming through the windows just out of reach.

Despair

#27
Receiving Malcolms reply, Elyna had returned to her room. Her nerves were undeniable and she couldn’t go to library armed with a sword or bow to help her feel confident. Instead she took the time to pin her hair neatly at the nape of her neck. The glossy auburn strands tamed to temporary perfection. Clothes were limited, as they had arrived at Mayce with what they stood in. Yet she had managed to borrow a forest green dress that fitted well enough when laced at the back. The corset was perhaps more adventurous than she would usually chose but the center plate over her middle was decorated with a beautiful golden sun.

The woman stood at the library door for several heartbeats, cringing as the floorboard squeaked beneath her, giving her presence away. She entered and turned to close the door behind her. Why was it so much harder today, to face him?

She carried a small tray and approached the desk. The plate rattled as she hurried to set it down. ‘I didn’t know if you had eaten,’ Elyna gestured to a small array of plain pastries, some that she’d seen Malcolm eat in the past. Her offering deposited the woman retreated back from the table. Rather than wring her hands together, she held them behind her back, forcing herself to stand straight and meet the man’s gaze. Harder than it had ever been.

Elyna swallowed the lump in her throat, fearing that the sensation would lodge in her chest. ‘I’m sorry that I didn’t bring the children,’ she admitted, ‘I wanted us to speak and…they make it very difficult to concentrate.’ She was certain they were already colluding, plotting to crawl in seperate directions to make themselves hard to catch.

‘I suspect that you know, but I spoke with Jared last night,’ the words were calm, without accusation. She squeezed her thumbnail into her palm.

‘He suggested that I might take my leave, of you.’ Her gaze dropped then, lingering on the table. ‘As a liability and distraction,’ she frowned to recall the exact words, ‘I wouldn’t want to place you in danger, nor jeopardize the future of this kingdom.’ She pressed her tongue against her top teeth, ‘I wanted to know your thoughts, before I made any decision.’

Despair

#28
Was it a peace offering or a plate of poison Malcolm wondered, and was just as swift to chastise himself. It was a terrible thought to think Elyna capable of that. She did not know Yvan was here, he reminded himself—there was no way the butcher was in her ear, not after what he had done. He thought about the man’s words in Warrick, how he had tried to sow his seeds of doubt in public for all to hear. In some ways, Elyna was very much like him, she made her battles known and in that way, used social pressure to achieve her desired outcomes.

Malcolm made no remark as to whether or not he knew about Jared’s midnight visit. Though he did not condone anyone entering his wife’s quarters, he knew in this instance, he had been the root of Jared’s frustration with the noblewoman.

What did she want from him? She was not happy to see him—had dreaded their reunion. The way she stood, the tension that followed her. He could tell she was not comfortable in his presence. They might as well have been two perfect strangers. Jared wasn’t wrong, she was a liability, but that came from a place of caring, not the malice she tried to retell it with. Anyone he cared for could be a target, but Marcus had made it known that he was hunting for the twins. Malcolm had been tortured for that exact reason.

“No.” Malcolm said. “Mayce is the safe test place for you and our children.”

Despair

#29
Elyna nodded slowly, she agreed with what he said. She hadn’t intended to travel across Renmere either way, there had been too much death to risk any for such a reckless endeavor. Though as his answer settled, she realized that he hadn’t so much shared his thoughts as forbidden her to leave. Elyna lifted a hand, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, one that had already been perfectly in place.

‘I…’ her breath caught again, ‘what are your expectations of me?’ She forced herself to meet his gaze again. Why did it feel as though the space between them only grew?

‘Jared feels that is inappropriate for me to continue as a Skyrider,’ she surmised. Did Malcolm expect his wife to sit quietly in the castle? One he had all but forbidden her from leaving? The nervous pulse flickered against her neck.

Despair

#30
“My expectations?” Malcolm repeated her words. He didn’t hold her gaze when he realised she was not discussing her role as a mother or wife, but instead feared he might clip her wings as a skyrider. Outside of those two things, he had no expectations of her. Would it be wrong to ask her what was wise? The woman did not need reminding she had children, that they came first. She looked as if she had sacrificed enough of herself to that cause.

“I’m not your captain,” he reminded her.

Despair

#31
Her mouth shifted into a rueful smile at his reply. Jared was head of skyrider’s when it came to it. If he felt she served better on the ground, then the ground was where she would remain. The woman’s chest lifted in a slow sigh, some of the tension easing from her shoulders. This was beyond her control. Why fight it?

Malcolm hadn’t offered any elaboration on his expectations and Elyna realized that she was quickly growing tired. The tension taking its toll as she struggled to try, and to keep trying to communicate clearly.

‘I would like you to meet Kyanite,’ She moved her hands then, ‘it feels strange that you’ve not met already.’ She ran her fingers along her bare neck, for some reason it felt like a disaster waiting to happen.

‘And I would like to know where you intend to sleep?’ She forced herself to look up a final time. Would he share with her? Was it worth throwing her baited hook out there?

Despair

#32
“Why didn’t you tell me you brought the horse lord back with you?” Malcolm countered, giving no indication as to whether or not he would agree to a meeting. There had been an opportunity for the woman to say as much, yet she had allowed him to make a fool of himself by suggesting they make the journey one day to say thank you in person.

She inquired as to where he would sleep and Malcolm sat up on his chair. “I don’t believe that’s any concern of yours?” He said. “After last night, I think you’ve made your position quite clear on the matter of sleeping arrangements.” Not wanting to cause further upset, however, Malcolm mentioned that he could have the room upstairs cleaned up.

Despair

#33
Elyna shifted her weight between her feet, uncomfortable after standing for so long, yet he hadn’t offered her a seat. She was trying, desperately, to treat the man with the respect he deserved as her King. Yet her initial formality seemed to create indifference in him.

‘There wasn’t a great deal of time,’ Elyna explained her lapse in communication. ‘Your visit was…brief,’ the woman found herself closing her eyes again, she pinched the bridge of her nose, ‘it was Kyan that stopped Owens knife in Warrick, I just don’t think you understood when I told you,’ she pushed her fingers through her hair, upsetting the strands, ‘or I probably explained it badly…’

No concern of hers? Elyna found herself biting her tongue. Giving a brief nod, should she leave? She certainly felt unwelcome, yet he hadn’t dismissed her. Like his simple no earlier, she hadn’t been asking for permission to leave. But he had both forbidden her departure, and made his displeasure at her presence known in a single word.

‘As you have no expectations of me, then perhaps I should be clear in mine,’ a final attempt she promised herself, then she would leave before her exhaustion got the better of her and left her crying in his presence once more, ‘I would expect my husband to share my room,’ she met his gaze. ‘I would expect him to make time to speak with me, on occasion and sometimes even pretend that he valued my opinion. I would hope that he might spend time with our children. That he would extend courtesy to the people that have sacrificed so much to see us delivered safely home.’

Despair

#34
Malcolm ignored her response, or simply dismissed it. He wasn’t going to be blamed for her obvious omission of the truth. Too little time. He almost laughed at that. What between her warm welcome and death threats. Malcolm stared at the woman, why hadn’t she taken a seat? Perhaps, he imagined, she intended for this meeting to be as brief as the last two.

“You’ve mistaken my response,” he said. “I have no expectations regarding your chosen profession, which stands, given our discussion before agreeing to marry. You would be free to choose your path,” he reminded her.

“I have many thoughts on the latter, however, you have also made it very clear that you believe Jared and I are too entangled in some secret relationship for me to make room for my own marriage.” He looked her dead in the eye. “That about sums it up, does it not?”

Despair

#35
It was though he sapped the strength from her limbs. Elyna moved forward, curling her hand around the back of a chair she pulled it back till she could sit, opposite him across the desk. Seated she pressed her face into her hands and forced herself to breathe again. Did he understand how infuriating it was, to try and speak to him. She could almost scream with frustration.

‘I don’t want to believe that’s true,’ she laid her hands on her lap, ‘how could it be, when you and I…’ heat was quick to rise along the line of her corset. Her most memorable moments of passion had been spent with the man before her. What would be her reward for admitting such? For revealing such vulnerability. ‘I thought that was all behind us, that night in Aramane, Mal. It was such a stupid suggestion, giving anything said by Yvan even a second thought.’

She looked past the man, through the window, ‘you were so eager to see him the next day…he has your confidence and your time. Malcolm, I’m jealous of the bond you share. Of how things are so easy between you. I’m jealous of the time he spends with you.’ She gripped her skirts tightly then, ‘last night I thought you were trying to tell me something…if I was wrong…then I’ve made a mess of this for us.’

Despair

#36
Malcolm looked confused. “You told me to…” he paused. What had she told him exactly? What did she think he had said? “I don’t understand how you jump to my husband wants to sleep with a man, after being informed Jared had accompanied me home to Mayce. I know you don’t like him,” Malcolm said, “you threatened to kill him. Imagine if I had said nothing and you got up this morning and saw him at breakfast. Would you prefer I gave no warning that he would be staying under the same roof?”

Despair

#37
‘I said that I’d kill him if bloody Yvan escaped - again!’ Elyna was on her feet, her frustration making it impossible to stay sat.

‘I’m unhappy risking the lives of my children, because the pair of you are determined that bastard will stand trial.’ She turned away for a moment, determined to pull back her composure. ‘Do you think I would honestly shoot an innocent man in cold blood? What kind of monster do you think I am? I’ve spent my life in service to the crown, in the best way I knew how. Can’t you forgive me for saying something I didn’t mean?’ She stared at him and wondered what he saw. Clearly not someone of any virtue or morality.

Defeated the woman lifted her hands, ‘maybe you should have just come to bed…could there not have been some other time to let me know he was here? You said you didn’t know where I wanted you to sleep, it felt as though you were suggesting Jared as an option.’

Despair

#38
Malcolm shook his head, it took all of his willpower not to bite and call her ridiculous. He couldn’t meet her eye then, and instead busied his hands. He lined up a pair of books and moved a few papers from one side of the desk to the other, leaving them face down.

“You’re too young to understand what a life of service to the crown looks like,” Malcolm said.

He was avoiding her ugly suggestion, that he should want to share Jared’s bed in place of hers. Did she not understand what her accusation had done to him? Here he sat, concerned that he could never undress in front of the woman again for all the shame it brought him to know her thoughts. They hadn’t been intimate since that night and with the way things were going, he couldn’t see it in their future either.

He had nothing more to say, his face on fire for all the embarrassment he still suffered every time Elyna mentioned Jared and what she believed to be true.

Despair

#39
Elyna watched the man and his considered movements. The deftness of his hands as he sorted his books and turned papers away from her view. She bit her lip again, staring at the coloring of his face and the way he avoided her gaze. Was it possible he could be just as nervous as she? He was a king. But he was still the knight she had met on the road, the man she loved.

One last try, she promised herself again. Elyna stood without a word and circled the desk. Carefully, she moved his stack of books and shifted them to the far side, allowing her to perch on the surface, slippered feet hanging above the floor.

‘Say, ‘don’t be stupid Elyna,’’ she suggested softly. ‘Say ‘don’t be so silly, you clearly misunderstood me. You’re mad Elyna, or deranged or tired…’ The woman reached out, resting her hand gently on his shoulder, her thumb brushing against the exposed skin above his collar. ‘You’re looking for shadows that don’t exist, Elyna, because you’re afraid that I’ll abandon you.’

She wet dry lips, ‘and I’ll say, ‘yes Malcolm…I know. It was a ridiculous thing to think’, I know it because I love you so fiercely. I love you, and I want you…I want you to kiss me.’ Her own cheeks were red with embarrassment, her gaze fixed on his sterner features before lingering on his mouth and lifting finally to his emerald gaze. All the hairs lifted along her arm and at the back of her neck.

Despair

#40
The pad of her thumb drew over his collar and he shrugged away from her touch, the nerve endings around his new scar left the flesh numb. Her touch made his skin crawl, through no fault of her own. He pulled his tunic over it and rubbed his chest, trying to chase away the strange sensation that lingered and made him uncomfortable, but not quite as uncomfortable as her words.

“This is just a game to you…” he accused, getting to his feet to put some distance between them.

Malcolm found it dangerous, the way Elyna blew hot and cold. He walked to the window, a black statue fringed by the bright light of high sun. He stood, unmoving, and looked out into the private courtyard with its high walls and creeping ivy. What tower would she make him scale this time, only to push him from the window ledge once at the top.

“Please don’t pretend not to know my stance on such things,” he said. Malcolm turned, his left hand wrapped around his right wrist, held behind his back. He pointed his gaze in her direction, but looked down at her feet. “Perhaps there has been too much said to go back to normal... But I promised to always try.”

Malcolm lifted his gaze to meet her eye. “I can’t find the words right now,” he admitted. Was it just an excuse not to be vulnerable with her? “I’m hurting instead of healing,” he said, and left it at that.

Despair

#41
Elyna remained perched on the table top, head bowed. She turned her face away from his shadow. His rejection like a slap to her features.

‘I’m not playing a game,’ she spoke softly, ‘I’m just trying to find a way forward… I feel lost Malcolm, and there is no map.’

He had listened to all of her vulnerabilities and thrown them back in her face. The woman remained quiet for a moment, unmoving. She fought the urge to run. To shout in frustration, to push him further in the hope that he would realize that was the one walking away, as ever he did. How long could she chase this man? Only to receive his indifference and anger? He accused her of playing games, but what of his treatment of her heart?

‘I’m sorry for the hurt I have caused you,’ Elyna said finally. She slipped from the table and landed on her soft slippers. ‘I hope that…time will allow your forgiveness.’ Although there had been so much time passing between them already. She held her breath, wondering whether she should extend the invitation to share their bedroom once more.

‘Our time in this life is precious, Mal. Who knows how long the Seven grant us?’ It was a lesson she had learnt in Emanys. Ontari lived hard and died young. ‘I ask for your kiss and you walk away, I ask that you share my room and you refuse,’ Elyna rubbed the side of her nose, ‘I cannot pretend to know your thoughts as you do not share them with me, you have opinions and expectations but I’m left wondering what they are. I’m walking through a forest in the dark and you’re angry and unforgiving when I stumble.’

‘I can understand how title, responsibility and these terrible days take so much from you. But I hope that you are able to forge some time for us, for your marriage.’ Elyna paused as she watched his shadow against the glass. ‘If you don’t, we may never have it. If you never find the words…how can I learn what you need from me? I am here, Malcolm. I’m in front of you now, after all we have survived. Please don’t let us be parted by the world again with only frustration between us.’

Despair

#42
His mind and heart were racing. Did she hear herself, he wondered. Malcolm turned towards the window once more and leaned against the top of the frame, his left forearm cushioning his temple from the wood. How he wished he could open it and walk out into the cold and keep walking until he was so tired he couldn’t remember who he was.

“Perhaps I do not share my thoughts with you because, despite all of your actions saying otherwise, you would deny what I think and tell me it is all in my head.”

Somehow it was easier to talk to her reflection, even if it was just a pinprick on the glass. “When you returned home, you were not eager to reunite. You were not happy to see me. I think you would have preferred if Owen’s arrows had killed me, or for Le’Sark’s magic to fail. I think instead of letting me hold you, you clung to hate. I think during those two seasons we spent apart, you realised this isn’t what you want, that I’m not who you want. You’ve realised your continued persistence about something more going on between the baron and I, has done irreversible damage, and now, you’re so scared you’ve driven me away, that you’ll say anything to fix what is broken. You believed me capable of the worst, and despite your being wrong, your heart remains unchanged.”

“But Elyna.” Malcolm turned. “You have nothing to lose. What is done cannot be undone. You’re the queen of Renmere whether we are lovers or not… whether we are friends or not. You got what you wanted, even if your family failed to gain from it. So go easy into the woods, and walk the path you chose long before you stepped foot back on Renmere soil.”

He looked at her, eyes glassy with the pain it had caused to speak his truth. It was easier when those words had existed only in his head, circling like sharks in his mind. “I would like to be alone now,” he said.

Despair

#43
Elyna listened to his truth and realised that he had no understanding of how his words hurt. She should have held her tongue in Warrick rather than seek answers to her questions. Her hands fell, numb to her sides. ‘All I have ever wanted, Malcolm…is you.’

She paused, turning over his words in her mind, feeling their sting anew. ‘You’re telling me…there is no hope for us?’ The woman tried to swallow her pain, ‘then…truly I have nothing to lose. As it is lost already.’ She studied him, a shadow against the light and forced herself to turn as requested and leave the room. Numb to her footsteps, as her hands fumbled on the door.

Don’t make any rash decisions, Elyna, don't do something impulsive, she schooled herself.

Despair

#44
He opened his mouth to protest, to remind her of his promise to try, but she had wanted his thoughts and ran with the worst of them. Malcolm sat down on the window ledge as the door fell closed under its own weight behind the woman. It was useless, he told himself, trying to fix what had come undone. Things had started to unravel the moment they were married and now, here they were, tangled in the mess of their own design.

Yvan hadn’t been the cause of this, only prolonged the inevitable. Elyna had travelled, just as she had always desired, and with an open mind, looked beyond the fringes of their happy-ever-after, to what fell beyond the frame of their neat and tidy canvas. What reason could there have been for the tribesman to follow her home other than a truth he refused to acknowledge until now, she was no longer his, and this madness was just a last ditch attempt to end things amicably on her terms. Such was difficult when one party did not go willingly.


Out in the hall, Elyna was passed by a handful of troops, many of them familiar faces, including Roland, Heath, the baron, the duke of Endor, and Benjamin. They were early for a meeting with the king. None spoke as they passed but Roland, who smiled and greeted the woman with the warmth of a friend, “your majesty,” he said. It was the first time he had seen her since the wedding.

Benjamin stopped in the hall as the rest of them passed and moved into the library. His hands went to her shoulders. “Elyna?” He asked, “what’s wrong?”

Despair

#45
Elyna stood silently in the hall, unable to move. Unseeing the decorated floor beneath her feet. There was movement around her, she heard doors opening and closing in different parts of the keep. Echoing throughout the corridors. It was the greeting that caused her to stir. Looking up in surprise she turned, worried that perhaps a member of royalty would be offended by her listlessness. It took her a long moment to realize that Roland had meant her. The title of Queen something she had never coveted, nor really felt associated with herself.

A reflexive smile was given, as she moved through motions and greeted the man in turn. Ben laid his hand on her arm and she stared at him without seeing. Her gaze following the touch on her arm as unfamiliar.

What’s wrong?

Malcolm had told her to get back to the path she had chosen. She blinked. She had chosen to come home. What little she had longed for, was denied her.

Elyna looked up at the giant man, tears filled with unshed tears. ‘Be safe, Ben.’ She moved then, to make room for Malcolm’s council. One she was equally unwelcome to attend. ‘Excuse me,’ she murmured and moved to leave, her gaze fixed on the main door. There had to be a way to leave, a place that she could breathe.

Despair

#46
“Anything we do now won’t hurt the capital until next year,” Malcolm said. “We took stock of their stores before going to Aramane. Andaris has more than enough grain.”

“I still say we stop all shipments,” the duke of Endor said. “Ore and coal from Endor, wheat and horses from Warrick, wine and wood from Mayce.”

“Gwayne and Krome?” Jared asked.

“We have to assume Krome and Venora will continue to supply the capital,” Malcolm replied.

“Gwayne wants nothing to do with this war,” Heath said. “My cousins in the north have put it in writing.” He set the scroll on the table.

“Will Andaris still supply them?” Benjamin asked.

“No,” Heath said, “which is why I think we should continue to include them in our trade route.”

“Even if they are willing to trade nothing in return?” Jared asked.

“Even then,” Malcolm agreed with Heath. “We can afford more allies. What we can’t afford right now, is more enemies.”

Benjamin crossed his arms. “I have to admit, it would be nice to know where Burhan stands.”

The rest of the men went quiet. Malcolm leaned back in his chair, thoughtful. He rubbed his jaw, raking his fingers over the black stubble. “I spoke to Pavoo in Warrick. He’s angry with his father, the duke. He believes their forces are divided, that Burhan will continue to serve the usurpers' efforts.”

“Was he not invited to this council?” Roland asked.

“I sent a note this morning,” Malcolm said, “perhaps he chose not to attend.”

“I’ll find out,” Benjamin volunteered. He got up from his chair and left the library to go back out into the hall. As he reached for the door handle, Malcolm called out.

“Could you ask Elyna to join us?”

Despair

#47
It was a servant who found her, outside in the stables with a hasty smock thrown over her dress, and a scrap of cloth tied around her head like a bandanna to protect her haid from straw and horse dust. She had walked the perimeter of the keep, till her nose and cheeks were pink and her hands numb with cold. Frost lingered so early in bloom, unwilling to give up its hold on the landscape. Then, when the storm in her heart had eased, she had gone to do something useful.

Surprised by the summons, the woman peeled away the heavy linen and set it neatly in a woman cubby. The bandanna curled up beside it before she managed to wash her hands and face with some clean, if half-frozen water. Dry, and at least presentable, the woman made her way back to the keep. Her heart thumped uneasily as she bumped into Ben at the door. The tall man offered her a small smile before pushing open the heavy wooden panel for her.

‘Thank you,’ she murmured and halted, hesitant as she took note of the faces occupying the library. Many of them familiar, which made the omissions more poignant. Owen should have been at a meeting like this.

Ben moved to close the door behind so she stepped into the room with a boldness she didn’t feel. Meeting Malcolm’s gaze the woman dipped into a curtsy, as was only polite. ‘Your grace?’ The pulse flickered nervously at the base of her neck. Had she done something wrong by trying to help at the stables?

Despair

#48
Malcolm gestured for Elyna to take a seat at the table. The duke of Endor squinted as she drew nearer to them. He recalled hearing that his eldest grandson had taken a liking to her. Still, he could understand why she had chosen the duke over a lord, after all, she was now Queen of Renmere.

“Your majesty,” he greeted her as she took her place at the table.

Malcolm remained silent for a time and soon enough, Pavoo joined them. “I apologise,” the baron said on his way in. “I had every intention of joining the council today, but was held up. I do apologise, sorry I’m late.”

“No apology required,” Malcolm assured him.

Pavoo looked across the table at his daughter, his cheeks flushed and his brow wet with sweat. He had spent the last hour looking for her as he didn’t want to attend the meeting without speaking to her first. He had received word from the duke that morning and would have preferred to talk with his daughter in private.

“We were discussing inventory,” Malcolm said.

“Inventory, your grace?” Pavoo asked. He liked to be sure.

“How long this war can go on without established trade routes being upheld,” Jared interjected.

“Ah,” Pavoo said. “I suppose you want to know what our intentions are going forward?”

All eyes were on the Baron of Burhan then.

“Very well,” Pavoo said, before clearing his throat. “I would like to return home and speak with my father,” he admitted, his gaze turned on Elyna once more, “with my daughter and grandchildren at my side.”

“Absolutely not!” Malcolm said, his tone firm.

Some of his men blinked at him in shock, others lowered their gaze, feeling it was none of their business. Jared sat with his eyes on Elyna, as if he were trying to get a read on her.

“I will not allow you to risk the lives of my family,” Malcolm added, more in control of the emotion his voice had carried a moment before.

“They are my family too,” Pavoo reminded him.

“If your father takes them as captives on the usurper's behalf, you risk not only their lives, but the possible outcome of this war. Do not put me in a position that would force my hand,” Malcolm countered.

“If you had only met some of the terms we discussed in Aramane—“

“Are you blaming me for this!” Malcolm yelled.

Jared flinched. When they had entered the library an hour or so earlier, he had sensed his friend was upset but chose to say nothing. Now, he was sure of it. “Might I—“

“No!” Pavoo said, “there will be no negotiating. I return home with my family or—“

“Or what!” Cage insisted, getting to his feet.

Pavoo looked a little taken aback. How, he wondered, had Malcolm won the loyalty of the most fickle man in the kingdom? “Sit down old man!” Pavoo said, pinning the duke with a look.

“I don’t take orders from traitors!” Cage spat.

“My lords!” Jared shouted, swift to his feet. “There are no traitors in this room, only good men led astray.”

“Well, it seems the little pampered puss of Warrick has changed his tune,” Pavoo accused, “only days ago you were happy to send three hundred people to their deaths.”

“Thank the seven our king showed mercy,” Cage said. He rolled his eyes as he sat down in his chair again.

“I’m allowed to be wrong,” Jared admitted. “Malcolm knew better, I am not too proud to say I was wrong for what I did.” He also returned to his seat, a tad flustered.

“Considering the circumstances, one might say the baron let you off lightly,” Cage countered.

“Enough,” Malcolm interrupted. “I refuse to fight about this. Your daughter—my wife, is seated right here, free to make her own decisions on where she goes or stays.”

Pavoo sank down into his seat, his gaze lowered, his tongue held between his teeth. There was a lot he wanted to say, but he sat instead, ready to protest any decision he felt was made in poor judgment.

“We need Elyna here to help organise sk—“ Jared tried to say, but was cut off by Malcolm, who sat with his hand raised.

“Elyna. Will you return to Burhan with your father or choose to remain here?” Malcolm asked, his gaze fixed on Pavoo.

Despair

#49
Elyna slid into her seat without fuss, acknowledging Malcolm with a nod. Why was it, that she always felt as though her throat was closing up? You’re a Skyrider, she reminder herself, act like one. She sat upright, as a soldier, a way that her body was used to holding. Her hands folded neatly in her lap, although lifting every so often to lay upon the table.

Feeling eyes on her, she looked up at the Duke of Endor and nodded her acknowledgment to him with a faint smile. Trying hard not to stare in return. The Duke of Endor was a legend, a fairy tale told to children of a man who rarely left the underground world of his kingdom. Was his skin truly paper thin? Elyna turned, smiling at her father and the friendly face he presented.

The discussion was quick to deteriorate and she sat, as stone, resisting the urge to flinch as both her father, and Malcolm lost their temper. Neither man was usually one to shout. Malcolm put the question to her and she found herself looking at her hands. She drew a breath, mind and heart racing. What would be the right answer?

She drew a breath and looked across to her husband, ‘you have my full support,’ she replied with a calmness she didn’t feel, able to meet the mans’ gaze should he look at her. Before her gaze turned to Jared, in some ways it was more important that Warrick believed her.

Elyna turned to her father then, ‘I’ll not risk the lives of my children, they’re too vulnerable in this. Surely Grandfather will understand that we are safest here, with my husband?’

Pavoo looked as though he was about to argue when she shook her head, ‘but perhaps a compromise can be made?’ It wasn’t one that she wanted, but perhaps it would help ease the future.

She glanced to Jared, ‘if you have need of me, then I would want to be of service. To serve in the best way I can. But in this instance, Father what if I return with you? Any communication Grandfather needs to make, I can relay.’

‘And the children?’ Pavoo demanded.

‘They stay,’ Elyna replied, firm. ‘No matter if I return with you to Burhan, or should Malcolm deem that I am better placed here, the children stay.’

Despair

#50
Pavoo didn’t look pleased with his daughter's answer, but he bit his tongue. He did not want to share what his father had sent via bird, but perhaps, he thought, he could convince Elyna to return home with him later, after the meeting was done.

The king’s jaw tightened as Elyna suggested she return to Burhan alongside her father while the children remained in his care. Just when he thought she understood, once again he was mistaken. “It’s too risky, Elyna. What if you were captured?”

“I wouldn’t allow that,” Pavoo said, his tone and body language defensive.

“Forgive me,” Cage interrupted, “but you didn’t know you were leading an army you had no control of. What makes you think you’ll do any better protecting our queen?”

“How dare you!” Pavoo yelled.

Malcolm rubbed his temple, quite sure he would find it easier to herd cats than organise this lot. “At the end of the day, what we need to know is whether or not Burhan stands with us?” He asked.

“You’ll have my answer in writing once I return home,” Pavoo said.

“Will that be signed by you or the duke?” Cage asked.

Pavoo bit his tongue. He felt every bit of shame the duke's words intended. His father had made a right fool of him and now, Pavoo wanted redemption.

“I think we’ve all said enough for one day,” Malcolm spoke up. “We will meet this time tomorrow to make a final decision on trade routes and our next move.”

Cage got up and bowed his head. “Your grace,” he said, before taking his leave. He sneered at the baron on his way to the door and called for one of his men to fetch his pipe.

Benjamin looked at Malcolm. “Your orders, brother?”

“Get some rest,” Malcolm waved. “We all need to be sharp for tomorrow.”

Benjamin, Roland and Heath left the room.

Pavoo looked at his daughter. “I would like to speak to you,” he said, before he too left the library.

Jared watched Elyna go after the baron and leaned back in his chair. As the door closed, he smirked and looked at Malcolm. “Pampered puss of Warrick?”

Malcolm almost laughed. It felt strange to smile after the morning he had endured. “The respect.”

“I think you mean, lack of,” Jared said.

“Pavoo isn’t a fighter.” Malcolm shrugged. “He doesn’t respect knights.”

“What does he respect?”

“Power,” Malcolm said. “Power and honesty.”

“I guess you better show him some then.”

Malcolm smiled and shook his head. “What are we going to do about the prisoners?”

“They’ll have to stand trial, I suppose,” Jared said.

“This war could go on for years.”

“You’re the king,” Jared said.

“If only more than the men in this room agreed.”

Jared frowned. “How about we go for a ride. Some fresh air might help lift your mood?”

“My mood is fine,” Malcolm said. “There’s something else I have to do.”

“Your grace.” Malcolm was greeted in the hall by one of his men.

“Elyna?” He asked.

The guard pointed.

Malcolm went out into the corridor where he found Pavoo speaking to Elyna. The baron had whispered something. Malcolm took no notice. He approached the pair and cupped Elyna’s face with his hands and pressed a kiss to her lips, swift but firm in nature, something filled with longing.

He departed then, without another word.

Jared stopped in his tracks, just as surprised as the rest of those who had witnessed the exchange. Had he ever seen Malcolm show any affection to Vanessa in public?

“Excuse me,” the baron said, as he went by and continued on in the same direction as the king.
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