80th Day of Blaze. AOK 21
My dear Malcolm,
I hope that my letter finds you in good health. As it carries all my love within.
I cannot but regret the distance between us through land, word and deed. Please be assured that I am mortified to have offended your dearest friend, for you to consider me rude. I wish that such moments could have been kept privately between us, for I feel some resolution could have been found.
I am hurt by your absence. I miss you, every hour of the day you’re in my thoughts. How can it be that we’re unable to share our time happily? I cannot follow you, though I long to.
You stay away, and each day our child grows. I am afraid of what’s to come. I wish that I had your ear, your support and the offer of your comfort to lean upon.
I never thought that I could feel so alone, as to know that the only thing which keeps us apart, is your determination to make it so. I hope that one day you might forgive my transgressions against you.
If the worst happens, please try and think the best of me. Know that my love for you is undying.
I remain ever, your faithful and loving, Elyna.
Elyna studied the words on the page, her quill balanced in her hand. She pushed her fingers through her hair. Head bowing as though it would meet the page. She closed her eyes. How could his absence hurt so much? They’d been apart for far longer before. But this time it was deliberate. Malcolm had made his displeasure clear.
Her parents had been furious at the cancelled ceremony. Her Mother had launching into a tirade against her. For the first time in her life, Pavoo had not intervened. Elyna had stood, silent as she endured her Mother’s wrath. Only she, Elyna could have a man sharing her bed, have his child in her belly, and to have ruined things so completely to have him leave in the middle of the evening. Only she was stupid enough, dull enough, plain enough to make it so. Elyna would have to be careful if she had any intention of keeping the favour of her husband. After all, she had been lucky to find it in the first place. Perhaps it was fortunate she had fallen pregnant, as he was clearly fickle in his attention.
When Elyna had made her only reply, that perhaps it had been Caelin’s own rudeness that encouraged Malcolm to leave, she had been struck. It was then that Pavoo had stepped forward, consoling his distraught wife and gently escorting her from the room. Elyna touched a hand to her cheek, sure it was red. It was certainly hot to the touch. Tears pricked her eyes. Caelin wouldn’t have done it, not if Emily had still been there. Elyna promised herself then, that it would be the last time her Mother struck her.
Caelin and Pavoo had left for Welles soon after. Beatrice and Billy remained and whilst her cousin still held infectious enthusiasm, even Beatrice grew quiet as the days wore on. Elyna was aware that she had disappointed her family and proven perhaps irrevocably that she was not a suitable partner for Malcolm.
Her tears landed heavy on the page, she straightened. She blotted the salted water and fanned the parchment. She folded it three, sealed it and slid the letter into her bag. It wouldn’t be sent. What hope had she of forgiveness? Malcolm had left with her accusations on his heels. Things that she no longer believed. Hadn’t believed since Malcolm had been so determined to convince her otherwise.
But it had hurt, he had lain his own accusation about Yvan and refused to let her speak. He had silenced her, disinterested in an explanation. Refusing her the time or courtesy she had given him. He had told her of Yvan, and then left to spend the day with Jared. What had been so urgent, that the Baron had followed Malcolm to Aramane anyway?
Elyna crawled into her bed, pinching the candlelight to darkness. There she lay, staring into the night. Afraid to succumb to sleep and relive the memories that she preferred to bury.